Review of ORDINARY DECENT CRIMINAL

ORDINARY, DECENT CRIMINAL

Heist, crime caper, Kevin Spacey, released 2000

Two men greet a third who is waiting outside a bank for it to open. The two then put on ski-masks and take out guns, and suggest the third man try a different branch. When a woman opens the bank doors, the two thieves say "Good morning. We're here to make a withdrawal." Everything nice and polite, and no one is injured.

The police know who is the perpetrator, MICHAEL LYNCH (Kevin Spacey), a flamboyant, 'ordinary, decent criminal' in his words, but they can't prove it. This infuriates them, in particular sergeant NOEL QUIGLEY, who is obsessed with catching Michael. One time when Quigley's men trying to search Michael, he screams they're sexually harassing him, pulls down his pants and moons them, to the delight of the crowd. 

Michael lives with his wives, LISA and CHRISTINE, two sisters (in separate houses, nothing  kinky) and with his many children. Except for his habit of taking money and property that belong to others, he's quite a nice guy and is somewhat of a folk hero for his ability to flaunt the authorities.

However, life becomes complicated when he steals a priceless CARAVAGGIO masterpiece from a museum because the painting is so difficult to fence. This gives Quigley his chance. Then his accomplices want to overthrow him. The IRA gets involved. How will Michael deal with these new problems?

Comparing Kevin Spacey's role as an Irish criminal to his role as southern politician in GAME OF CARDS shows this actor's impressive versatility. The story itself is a cliché--smart criminal befuddles dump cop--but it's a fun cliché with lots of action, humor and a cute ending twist. I give it ++++.  It will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of RESERVOIR DOGS

RESERVOIR DOGS

Quentin Tarantino, undercover police, heist, diamond heist, action movies, sadism, psychopath, 1992

Eight men are sitting in a diner and discussing Madonna's song, Like a Virgin. The consensus is that the song is a metaphor for a woman with a large vagina having sex with a man whose penis is so big, it hurts her--like she was a virgin again. Only the leader, JOE CABOT, uses his name. The others have color-coded aliases. Joe pays for the breakfast, says the others should pay the tip, and leaves. MR. PINK refuses on principle to leave tips and agrees only when the others remind him he didn't pay for the meal itself.

And so the director establishes what kind of people we're dealing with.

The scene switches to a speeding car where MR. ORANGE, bleeding from a gunshot wound to the gut, is crying that he's going to die. It's pretty clear a robbery didn't go as planned. MR. WHITE, covered with Orange's blood, comforts and reassures Orange, but when they reach an abandoned warehouse, White refuses to take Orange to the hospital. Pink arrives, conspicuously free of blood, and complains how BLOND psychotically shot civilians in the jewelry store. Pink and White agree the cops arrived so quickly an informant must have tipped them off. Blond arrives and says with utmost casualness that if no one had tripped the alarm in the store, no one would have been shot. More gang members arrive and express their reactions to the botched heist. The only bright spot in the fiasco is that Pink managed to grab the diamonds and stash them.

Was there a police informant in the group, and if so, who? With so many people dead and one of their own wounded, what should the thieves do now? These questions become ever more prominent as the characters squabble about their remaining options.

The personalities are further shown in flashbacks (and sometimes flashbacks within flashbacks). Most are racist are sexist, and one is a sadistic psychopath who dances while torturing a cop he captured during the robbery. And one is indeed a police informant. In spite of the flashbacks, the move is easy to follow.

This is not a movie for someone struggling with depression. However, it does draw you in and get your heart pumping. As a workout movie, I give it +++++. It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of PARKER

PARKER

When we first meet PARKER (Jason Statham), he's at a state fair and is wearing a clerical collar. It's obvious from the start that he's no priest, but he's still a nice man and even throws darts at balloons to win a prize for a little girl. Two unfunny clowns appear, clearly up to no good, and, in fact, Parker and the clowns are soon robbing the fair's gate money. A clerk becomes hysterical, but Parker is such a nice man, he takes the time to sooth him and get him over his panic. Final result is $200,000 for each of five thieves.

Unfortunately, a fire intended as a distraction to the robbery was set in the wrong place leading to the death of a fairgoer.  This is unprofessional.  Parker doesn't like unprofessional behavior. Also, because he's a nice man, he doesn't like the death of innocent civilians. So when the other four thieves suggest he join them for another heist, one that will net millions of dollars, he refuses to join them. For some reason, Parker's refusal infuriates the others who then take his money, shoot him, and leave him for dead.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if you want to kill someone, don't just shoot them and leave them for dead. You should go up to the body and put a bullet right between the ideas at point blank range. But then there wouldn't be any movie.

Parker does not die.  He's found by a hick farmer's family and rescued.  And it turns out there is a limit to his niceness. When people take his ill-gotten-gains and try to kill him, Parker is not nice at all.

This is a fun movie in many respects. Parker is super-competent and his betrayers appropriately terrified when they learn he's alive and is tracking them. There are cute sexual overtones; Parker enlists a real estate agent, LESLIE (Jennifer Lopez), to show him the city, but when they're alone he tells her to take off her clothes. Turns out he just wants to check if she has a wire to spy on him.  She's disappointed, and so was I.

The film has no deep character portrayals, no insightful meanings, not even extraordinary eye candy.  But it does have lots of action, self-righteous indignation, and vengeance. As a workout movie, it's great. I give it +++++.  It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of THE CODE (Thick as Thieves).

THE CODE (THICK AS THIEVES)

The movie opens with KEITH RIPLEY (Morgan Freeman) walking into a health spa and shooting a man in the pool. No explanation. Then GABRIEL (Gaby) MARTIN (Anthony Banderas) robs diamonds from two curriers on a subway train. Ripley is in the train and watches with a bemused smile. After the robbery, Ripley follows Martin and tries to entice him to help Ripley steal two Faberge eggs worth twenty million dollars each from ROMANOV JEWELERS.  Gaby is reluctant. At this point, Gaby meets Ripley's goddaughter, ALEXANDRA KAROLIN.  The two flirt for a while, and soon fall into bed. Enter LIEUTENANT WEBER, who has been obsessed with putting Ripley in jail for the past twenty years. Weber knows Ripley plans to rob Romanov's, and determines to trap him, even though the FBI tells him to lay off because they want to catch a Russian criminal, who, by the way, Ripley owes a lot of money to which is why he's eager to steal the eggs.

And then the plot gets complicated. 

The first two thirds are easy to follow, but towards the end the story becomes so convoluted I never did understand just how the characters arrived at the finale. SPOILER ALERT--almost everyone is happy with how it turns out.

The way Gaby woos Alexandra is obnoxious. He stalks her, breaks into her apartment (granted, to prepare a dinner, but still), and dangles her keys in front of her.  He should get a hard slap in the face, but instead, he gets a roll in the hay.  Not a good message.

The film has a lot of honest tension, in particular when Ripley is on the move. Some scenes feel been contrived as if to increase the drama; these scenes are integral to the plot, but their presentation is clumsy.

The strongest part of the movie is, no surprise, Morgan Freeman's portrayal of Ripley.  This character is so cool, he gives you the shivers. You can't help watching and wondering what he'll do next. The thief is the ultimate in smoothness, and Freeman carries it out to perfection without ever crossing the line that would make it a parody.

I never did figure out what code the title is referring to.

THE CODE received a lot of bad reviews, which is fair; it's a lightweight film. Still, it does have several thrilling scenes that can get your pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.