Review of RAFIO FREE ALBEMUTH

RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH - 2010

NICK BRADY works in his father's record shop in the 1980s and is frustrated because dad insists CDs will never replace vinyl. He also has strange visions which upset his wife RACHAEL so much, she thinks about leaving him, though she drops that idea when she gets pregnant. Nick calls the source of the visions VALIS, Vast Alien Living Intelligence System, but he worries the visions may be a symptom of mental illness. One vision tells him that his infant son has a strangulated inguinal hernia, and when Nick rushes the baby to an emergency room, it turns out the vision was right, and Nick is reassured about his sanity. Then the visions tell him to move to LA; he obeys, gets a job with a recording company, and prospers.

It's a difficult time for America. The president, FERRIS F FREMONT (FFF--666), is running for a fifth term, and uses the threat of a terrorist organization, ARAMCHEK, to justify increasingly restrictive measures. One of his big-brother organizations, FRIENDS OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE (FAP - look it up in the Urban Dictionary) wants Nick to help them with their propaganda. He refuses. FAP goes to SF author and Nick's best friend, PHILIP K. DICK, (hey - he wrote the book, so why shouldn't he put himself in his own story?) and ask him to spy on Nick. Nick also refuses. FAP and Fremont do not like to be refused…

In the film, PKD describes his novels as sounding like they were written on LSD. I'd say like they were written by a schizophrenic. Either way, he is an excellent storyteller, and this movie is pretty faithful to his novel of the same name.

In some ways, PKD is prescient. Decades before the Patriot Act (but decades after Orwell's 1984) which Bush introduced and Obama continued, Dick describes similar measures implemented by President Fremont. Dystopian stories are common; this one is better than most, and the quasi-supernatural flavor added by Valis adds to it.

There is a fair amount of religious symbolism towards the end, and this slows the pace, but it doesn't take up a lot of time. Though it's gotten bad reviews, I consider it an engaging and interesting flic. And as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a run. I rate it as ++++.

Review of 2001-A SPACE ODYSSEY

2001 - A SPACE ODYSSEY- 1968

Act one. A dark screen and ominous music. We see a beautiful savannah with our human ancestors living their pitiful lives. Then more advanced ancestors. The theme from R. Strauss's THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA announces the MONOLITH, a featureless gray oblong. Excited hominids gather about it and soon afterwards discover how to use a bone as a weapon. They exult.

Act two. A match cut switches from the bone to a space shuttle serenely approaching an artificial satellite.  J. Strauss's BLUE DANUBE waltz plays in the background. HEYWOOD R. FLOYD is going to the quarantined TYCHO base on the moon. The rumor is that a dangerous infection made the quarantine necessary, but the real reason is another monolith, this one uncovered after being buried in lunar soil for three million years. The government wants this find kept secret lest it cause panic. Floyd goes to inspect the monolith just as the lunar dawn is breaking, and the artifact, seeing the sun for the first time since it was buried, sends a powerful radio signal direct to Jupiter.

Act three. Spaceship DISCOVERY, with FRANK POOLE, DAVID BOWMAN, and HAL, a 9000 computer, (plus some hibernating scientists) are on their way to Jupiter. All seems well, but then HAL asks Frank questions about unprecedented secrecy surrounding their mission, and immediately afterwards announces an impending failure in a communications unit. The astronauts retrieve the unit, but examination shows no problem. Could HAL have made a mistake? The 9000 computers have an absolutely error free records. Frank and David lock themselves into an EVA pod and discuss whether HAL's intellectual function should be shut down. However, the pod has a window, HAL has vision sensors all over, and he can read lips...

At this point, the theater version breaks for a long intermission. Some televised versions skip the intermission, which is a shame.

H+1 is I. A+1 is B. L=1 is M.  IBM. Deny it though they may, I think it's intentional.

This movie is a masterpiece, more, I think, because of Stanly Kubrick's directing than to Arthur C. Clark's writing. Though Kubrick and Clark collaborated on the screenplay, the original book is standard science fiction, while the movie is a mystical experience. The book explains the monolith's actions, Hal's breakdown, the ornate room at the end of the film and more. The movie only hints at these and leaves you wondering. HAL in the movie is much more ominous than in the book, and the uneasiness of the two men when talking to HAL is palpable.

If you've never seen this film, you're missing something. Even if you saw it decades ago, it's worth renting.

The action is unhurried. For example, while the Millennium Falcon enters the Death Star in a few seconds, it takes a few minutes for the Floyd's shuttle to enter the station. But the movie doesn't drag. That scene is a dance in space and it maintains your interest. As a workout movie, the final scenes are a bit monotonous, but the rest of the movie will easily get your pulse up to a run. Overall, I give it ++++.

There's a sequel, 2010, which is good, but not at the same level as the original.

Review of INTO THE WOODS

INTO THE WOODS

This movie blends four classical fairy tales into a musical mélange that is a treat to watch. A reasonably accurate version of Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, Rapunzel, and Little Red Riding Hood, is all joined together by a new tale of the barren baker and his wife. This couple is childless because an ugly old witch (Meryl Streep), furious that the baker's father stole greens from her garden, cursed the house with infertility. However, she's willing to remove the curse if the two bring her "the cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn, and the slipper as pure as gold."

Red Riding Hood has the cape, and Rapunzel has the hair. In this version, Jack's cow is milky white and Cinderella's slipper is of gold. Though the path is strewn with obstacles, the baker and his wife finally get all four of the required objects (Rapunzel's hair doesn't work, but they find a substitute) and feed them to the cow who promptly gives milk that makes the witch young and beautiful.

The witch keeps her promise, and the baker's wife promptly becomes nine months pregnant. Cinderella and Rapunzel get their princes, Jack is rich from the gold he stole from the giant, and the-girl-who-is-called-by-her-clothing gets a nice, new wolf-skin coat. (What will they call her now?) So everyone lives happily ever after. Right?

Wrong. The second half takes a distinctly darker tone, and that's the whole point of the movie. Even when the situation seems ideal, life brings surprises.

The movie is taken from the play of the same name by Stephen Sondheim, and follows the same general plot line. The play was written in 1987 at the height of the AIDs epidemic, and may be a metaphor for that tragedy. The movie, a 2014 Disney production when AIDs is more controllable, is much less edgy. (The wolf in the play, for example, is half naked with an erect penis. Not so Johnny Depp.)

All in all, it's the movie is wonderful entertainment. The music, the plot, and the acting are outstanding. As a workout movie, it should get your pulse up to a run. I give it ++++

By the way, DVD's for both the movie and the original play are available.

Review of SNEAKERS

SNEAKERS

In 1969, MARTIN BRICE and COSMO (apparently no other name) are cyber-pranksters playing Robin Hood. Martin leaves their apartment to get pizza, and a few minutes later, the police, not happy with how the youths redistribute wealth, break in and arrest Cosmo. Martin goes on the lam.

Fast forward to the present (1992), where Martin, now MARTIN BISHOP (Robert Redford), heads a respectable but scarcely profitable team of security specialists. They who break into banks and then tell the managers where their defenses are weak.  Other team members include: DARREN "MOTHER" ROSKOW (Dan Aykroyd), who believes (among other things) the moon landing was staged; DONALD CREASE (Sidney Poitier), a CIA officer who left under mysterious circumstances, CARL ARBOGAST, a young, horny genius; and IRWIN "WHISTLER" EMERY, who is blind.

They are approached by two NSA agents, DICK GORDON and BUDDY WALLACE, who are impressed by their reputation. Dick and Buddy are willing to pay large amounts of money to steal a box capable of breaking any code from any government or business in the world. Martin and his friends are reluctant, but the two NSA agents sweeten the deal; they know Martin is a fugitive, and they can clean his record if he cooperates, or send him to jail if he doesn't.

They manage to steal the box without too much trouble, thanks to blind Whistler who, with Holmesian logic, deduces where it is. They give the box to Dick and Buddy, but OH NO—those two aren't real NSA agents. They are part of a conspiracy led by, of all people, Martin's old buddy, Cosmo (Ben Kingsley). The crew must run for their lives, and then steal the box back again or chaos will result.

This movie has some silly parts--for one, Cosmo ignores a prime rule for successful villains (kill the hero yourself instead of delegating it to a henchman and walking out of the room)--but these aren't bad enough to spoil the movie. The cast has top notch actors, and the interplay between the team members, especially paranoid 'Mother, and the others' is fun, Scenes of violence and action are nice interspersed with the humor. Except for some vague bashing of governmental intrusions, there's no social significance or intellectual message, but it's fun. Overall, I rate it at ++++. It can get your pulse up to a run.

Review of TOP DOG

TOP DOG

Sergeant LOU SWANSON is investigating a hate-crime bombing. His police dog, RENO, a Briard, leads him to a moored boat where Lou finds explosives. Unfortunately, neo-Nazis find him, and shoot both him and the dog. Miraculously, Reno survives.

Switch to detective JAKE WILDER (Chuck Norris), who is grumpily awakened by his chief, KEN CALLAHAN and ordered to find Lou's killers. "I'm on suspension," Jake says, but to no avail; the suspension is canceled. To his further disgust, Jake, a loner, must work with a partner, someone as brilliant and efficient as Jake, but also as insubordinate.  In walks an attractive police officer, Lieutenant SAVANNAH BOYETTE, but she isn't his new associate. Rather, he's to work with the dog, Reno.

It turns out the bombing and murders are due to a nation-wide neo-Nazi conspiracy led by people with unsubtle names like OTTO DIETRICH. Their plan is to combine various hate groups, and bomb a ecumenical brotherhood meeting. They trap a Catholic Bishop, a rabbi, and some Indian looking guy with a pink yarmulke in a limousine with a bomb hidden underneath. Aha, but they haven't reckoned with Jake and Reno.

Reno is the real star of this movie.  The dog follows complicated orders, knows to bite through Jake's bonds without being told, and in general puts Lassie to shame. Why in the world do Lou and Jake feed him jelly donuts; don't the people in this movie know that's not healthy for dogs? And since when do police dogs wander the streets without a leash?

Otto et al need to learn the rules of successful villainy. For example--don't tell an underling to kill the hero and then you walk out of the room. Kill the hero yourself.

Jake, of course, had to disarm the bomb under the limousine. Which wire should he cut, the red or the green? I voted for the red. He doesn't get the girl in the end, but he does get the dog.

Apparently Chuck Norris is a creationist. I don't expect much from karate-expert actors, but a little intellect would be nice.

The movie has a nice though generic anti-bigotry message, but also implies that it's okay for a cop to ignore due process (by not waiting for a search warrant) if he's sure he's in the right.

This is a funny movie. It's easy to rip it apart because of all the foolishness, especially involving the dog, but the combination of action/violence and comedy make for a good workout movie. I give it ++++. It will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of OUTLAND

OUTLAND

1981

The titanium mine on Io, one of Jupiter's moons, is a harsh and difficult place. Federal Marshal WILLIAM O'NEIL (Sean Connery) has just been assigned to that hellhole because he has a big mouth and speaks what his superiors want unsaid. The manager of the mine, MARK SHEPHARD, welcomes O'Neal with a speech in which he brags that his miners work hard and production is high, so they can also play hard.

There is a series of strange accidents. One man hallucinates spiders on his space suit, rips it open, and his insides explode in the vacuum.  Another man attacks one of the camp's prostitutes and threatens to kill her. Security forces kill him instead. O'Neil is suspicious. He consults with the camp's doctor. MARIAN LAZARUS, an acerbic wretch who never ever shows any emotion, sentimentality or caring. Usually. She agrees to help him, searches the medical records, and discovers that dozens of similar violent deaths have occurred in the past few years. Furthermore, all of the bodies were shipped off from Io without autopsies.

Unfortunately, CAROL O'NEIL, William's wife, has gotten the courage to send him a video message saying she was leaving Io to take their son, PAUL to Earth where he can live a normal life. She begs O'Neil to join her, but he has to finish his work in the mining colony.

O'Neil goes to one of the corpses still on Io, sticks a needle in its neck to extract blood, and finds a dangerous stimulant. After more digging, he finds a whole cache of the stimulant. This is what causes the high production of the mine and also the deaths. Shepard, the manager, must be responsible. O'Neil tells him he's uncovered the secret and intends to bring Shepard down. Shepard tells O'Neil he's a dead man, and arranges for assassins to come to Io to murder O'Neil. O'Neil asks the miners if anyone will help him, but they are afraid.

Oy vay.

This should be a wonderful workout film. It has an exotic setting, emotional complications, violent fights, sometimes to the death, mystery, betrayal, likeable characters, etc, etc. But, for me at least, there was no tension. Sean Connery does die in some of his films, but I never got the feeling he could in this one. Too many factors--like people about to kill themselves, Carols announcement that she's leaving, the betrayal and, of course, O'Neil's eventual victory--are all predictable. It will get your pulse up to a jog, so I'll give it +++, but I had hoped for better.

Review of POULTRYGEIST (Night of the Chicken Dead)

POULTRYGEIST (Night of the Chicken Dead)

2003,

ARBIE and WENDY, two high school teens, are pledging undying love while making out in a graveyard. He has trouble loosening her bra, so she, with a pleasant smile, unhooks it herself, revealing a lovely pair of boobs. A crazed man with a hatchet in one hand and his erect penis in another staggers towards them, and they run away. Then a tentacle comes out from a grave, plunges itself into the man’s ass and out through his mouth.

This pretty much sets the tone of the movie.

A semester later, Wendy returns from college as a member of CLAM – College Lesbians Against Megacorporations. Wendy, her girlfriend MICKIE (whose boobs, as we later see, are not nearly as nice), and other Clam members are protesting a new AMERICAN CHICKEN BUNKER (ACB) restaurant because, a) it’s on an old Native American burial site, and b) it’s mean to chickens. Wendy’s betrayal upsets Arbie so much, he wants revenge and marches into the protested restaurant to get a job.

All the employees have restaurant themed names. The manager is Denny, and the workers are Carl Junior, Paco Bell, and Humus, who wears a bright red burka which she rips off at the end of the movie.

Strange things (to say the least) happen. Paco Bell is pushed into the meat grinder by an uncooked chicken and is turned into a talking ‘sloppy Jose’ sandwich. Carl Jr. tries to fuck a dead chicken, but it bites his dick which then looks like a broomstick with a circumcised head.  Through all of this, bodily fluids of a profusion of colors (but not white) are sprayed all over walls, floors, toilets, and people. The head of the ACB corporation, GENERAL LEE ROY, a dead ringer for Colonel Sanders and a former KKK member, tells everyone not to worry, but when people start turning into chicken zombies, matters really go downhill.

This is a stupid, gross, immature film. I’m surprised it got reasonably good reviews. It’s clearly aimed at thirteen-year-old heterosexual boys. But let’s face it, guys; a thirteen-year-old who laughs at fart jokes and cries out ‘BOOBIES’ at the sight of bare breasts lies not far beneath the surface in all of us. This movie made me laugh, and that helps my workout. I give it ++++.  It will frequently get your pulse up to a run.

Review of ORGAZMO

ORGAZMO 1997

JOE YOUNG is a Mormon missionary who, with his partner, finds lots of doors slammed in his face. One elderly woman is friendly and discusses her garden, but when he tells her he is LDS, she calls him a soul-stealer and tells him to fuck off.

MAXX ORBISON is a porn producer shooting a film, ORGAZMO, about a superhero who beats up bad guys and disables them with orgasm inducing rays. Maxx has a problem--his leading man is an unconvincing wimp. When Joe and his partner knock on Maxx's door, Maxx is so pissed off at being interrupted he orders his henchmen to beat them up. However, the Mormon boy knows karate and trashes the henchmen. Maxx is so impressed, he wants to hire Joe as his new leading man, and will pay him $10,000 dollars for a few days' work.

You have to understand that Joe is the kind of guy who says goodbye to his fiancée, LISA, with the phrase "Jesus and I love you." How can he take money for that kind of work? But Lisa wants to get married in the main Utah temple, which requires big bucks. Joe asks a little statue of Jesus for a sign, whereupon a small earthquake knocks the statue over, but that isn't clear enough for poor Joe. After much haggling, Orbison agrees to provide a 'stunt cock' for the actual vaginal penetration, and Joe agrees to become Orgazmo.

Needless to say, this will not go smoothly.

This flick is as funny as South Park, so it's no surprise it has the same writers, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The plot is silly and unrealistic, the characters are caricatures, grossness abounds, and even the fight scenes are obviously staged. Who cares? It's satire and it's hilarious. The film is not kind to the LDS church, but it isn't mean, either; in spite of his faults, Joe is basically a good guy.

The film has gotten a lot of bad write-ups, but those reviewers must have taken it too seriously. I laughed out loud during most of it. I give it ++++. It will get your pulse up to at least a run.

Review of COOL WORLD

COOL WORLD - 1992

 FRANK HARRIS (Brad Pitt), a recently discharged WWII veteran, is taking his mother for a motorcycle ride when a car runs into them and she is killed. A scientist, DR. VINCENT WHISKERS in COOL WORLD sees the accident through an interdimensional portal.

Cool world is a parallel universe in which the inhabitants are cartoons (“DOODLES”), a fountain pen is a dangerous weapon because it can suck the ink from a character, and sex between doodles and “NOIDS”, (humans) is strictly forbidden because it could destroy both the real world and the cartoon world. Whiskers plans to teleport into the real world, but a mishap occurs and Frank is transported to Cool World.

Jumping ahead forty-seven years, we meet JACK DEEBS, a prisoner (he killed his wife's lover) who is being released. While in jail he had gotten inspiration to write a comic strip about Cool World, which he thinks is his own original creation. Drawing one of the characters in particular, the shixalicious HOLLI WOULD (Kim Basinger), has helped maintain his sanity while in jail.

When he gets home, lights flash off and on and Jack is drawn into Cool World to meet Holli. She is sex-personified, a beauty, but most of the rest of Cool world is chaotic, ugly, and violent, though, since the inhabitants are cartoons, no one gets hurt by the violence. Holli tells Jack she wants to go to the real world and feel reality. To that end, she seduces him and, in some pretty good morphing, becomes human.  Thus, the prime directive—no sex between noids and doodles—has been broken and the basic fabric of both realities endangered...

The plot is often silly, the animation is primitive, and the characters poorly developed. But the movie has a certain charm. Holli’s eroticism, though without nipples or pubes, is a pleasant stimulus for working out (at least for guys). Of interest, when she becomes human, she is no longer shixalicious. In one sequence, she flashes between her voluptuous form and a clown suggesting that preoccupation with sex is in itself not real, but rather something to be relegated to the world of cartoons and other fantasies.

At any rate, it helped my workout. I rate it as ++++. It should get your pulse up to a run.

Review of HEAVY METAL

HEAVY METAL

heavy metal, graphic novel, animation nudity, 1981

A spaceship in low Earth orbit opens its bay door and out comes…a 1969 Corvette. Astronaut GRIMALDI drives/pilots the car to a safe landing in the desert, and with this bit of nonsense the film begins. Grimaldi opens a case he brought to show his the-year old daughter a green sphere, but the sphere disintegrates him, identifies itself as the LOC-NAR, the 'sum of all evils,' and forces the terrified girl to look inside it and see vignettes of what bad things it has done.

The first vignette is typical. A cab driver, HARRY CANYON, picks up a young shixalicious (my contribution to the English language) woman who is fleeing RUDNICK, a gangster who had killed her father while trying to get the Loc-Nar from him. Harry takes the girl back to his apartment for safety, and that night, instead of staying on the couch, she undresses and crawls into bed with him. It turns out the girl has try Loc-Nar, and decides to sell it to Rudnick and split the proceeds with Harry. But when Rudnick takes Loc-Nar out of its case, he disintegrates. The girl then says she wants to keep the money for herself, but Harry has a disintegrator specifically for fares who try to stiff him, and he uses it on her.

What? It doesn't make any sense? Don't worry about it. It isn't supposed to. It's just something to watch and let your mind be carried along with the absurdities.

The movie is an animated adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name. While the music is heavy metal, it's not so loud as to break your eardrums, and, in fact, fits nicely with the story, such as it is. The animation is primitive by today's standards, but that just adds to the charm and keeps you from trying to take it seriously.  There's lots of bizarre aliens, unrealistic blood and gore, and big breasted women with perky nipples and occasional glimpses of pubic hair, though no outright pornography. Hay, I like it.

The movie was largely panned when released, but afterwards became somewhat of a cult classic (like the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW). I enjoyed it, and plan to see the sequel HEAVY METAL 2008.  The combination of humor and action kept me interested and entertained. It's no cinematic masterpiece, but as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Review of Boondock Saints

BOONDOCK SAINTS

 CONNER and MURPHY MACMANUS, religious Irish American brothers in Boston, listen to their priest preach against the indifference shown to Kitty Genovese's murder, and take the sermon to heart. Later, while they're celebrating St. Paddy's day in an Irish pub, Russian mobsters barge in, announce that their bosses have bought the pub and that everyone must leave at once. A fight breaks out, with the gangsters getting the worst of it. The next day, the thugs try to get revenge, but brothers Connor and Murphy end up killing them, albeit in self-defense.

Since mobsters are involved, an FBI agent, PAUL SMECKER, is assigned to the case. He puts on earbuds and wanders around the crime scene while waving his hands in time to operatic music. Then, like Sherlock Holmes (or Adrian Monk), he assembles clues no one else notices and recreates the case.

The brothers turn themselves in and confess the killings, but Smecker tells them they acted in self-defense and have not committed any crime. Everyone in their community regards them as heroes, and they conclude they have a mission from God to rid Boston of evil men. And there are plenty of evil men for them to remove. A wave of murders sweeps Boston, but since all the victims are criminals, the public doesn't know whether to grieve or cheer. Smecker identifies the brothers as the perpetuators of the killings, but he also can't decide whether to arrest them or not...

The movie asks a basic question: when is violence justified? Like Dexter, the MacManus brothers (along with their Italian friend, ROCCO) kill mass murderers, and in the process become mass murderers themselves. The question is easier to ask than answer.

One aspect of the movie was unnecessary. Smecker waving his hands in time to the music in a vaguely effeminate way shows him as a brilliant and eccentric cop, an interesting picture. But when he appears in bed with a guy, we see the hand-waving is just another gay stereotype.

This movie will get your heart beating and make the minutes fly while you're working out.  I give it +++++.  It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of LOOPER

LOOPER

Sci-fi, thriller, Bruce Willis, 2012

In 2074, time travel will be invented, but will immediately be declared illegal. However, organized crime will use it to eliminate their enemies. When they want someone dead, they tie the victim up, put a hood over his head, and send him to a pre-specified place in 2044 where a 'LOOPER' shoots him with a blunderbuss and incinerates the body. The perfect crime. Only one problem; thirty years after 2044 becomes 2074, the looper is now in the era of time travel and is a potential witness to the crimes, and so the looper is then tied up, hooded and sent back in time to be shot by his earlier self.

One looper, JOE, played initially by Joseph Gortdon, is disturbed by the visit of his friend, SETH, who tells Joe he had failed to 'close the loop' by letting his future self escape instead of shooting him. Seth hides, but the looper police, so to speak, know Joe has hidden Seth, and bribe Joe with bars of silver (intrusive symbolism even though they don't say how many pieces of silver) to betray Seth. Then Joe finds himself having to kill his own future self--let's call him older Joe--but, like Seth, younger Joe lets older Joe get away. Unlike Seth, younger Joe flees the country, and we see brief glimpses of his life during the next thirty years as he morphs from Joseph Gortdon into Bruce Willis. Henchmen of the RAINMAKER, the wicked dictator of that era, kidnap older Joe. They plan to tie him up and send him back to 2044 to be shot by younger Joe, but, furious because his wife was killed during the kidnapping, older Joe overpowers the kidnappers and returns to the past where he is able to evade death at the hands of his younger self.

Older Joe has learned the addresses of three children, one of whom will grow up to be the tyrannical Rainmaker (short for Reignmaker), and determines to kill them all the children so as to preemptively prevent Rainmaker's despotic rule. ('Would you kill Hitler as a child?' reasoning.) Younger Joe will do almost anything to stop this murder.  Meanwhile, two other loopers, KID BLUE and JESSE, are trying to kill both of the Joe's and thus close the loop.

Lots of people working at cross purposes.

This movie has a lot going on, and it's exciting.  The plot twists draw you in and make you wonder what will happen next. Bruce Willis is good, but not great, his usual ironic nonchalance becoming a little tiresome.

One major flaw, at least for me, was the repeated blatant violations of the grandfather paradox. The story requires these violations, especially at the end, but personally, I want to scream 'that's ridiculous' and slap the script writer in the face.

It did get my pulse up to a run, so I rate it at ++++. People who don't care about paradoxes will probably do even better.

Review of 300

300

Historical fiction, drama, action. 2006.

In ancient SPARTA, a form of institutionalized child abuse, the agoge, was the preferred method to develop fierce warriors. LEONIDAS, after surviving unrealistically demonic wolves and other hardships, returns to Sparta and later becomes king. The Persians, under the leadership of the self-styled divine monarch XERXES, demand Sparta's submission, but Leonidas determines to fight Xerxes' massive army no matter what the cost to him or Sparta.  Even the gloomy predictions of the oracle, a beautiful teenager repeatedly raped by ugly lechers, and the refusal of the city council to supply him with an army doesn't deter him. He gathers three hundred of his most loyal warriors. With support of a few hundred untrained soldiers from other cities, he marches to Thermopylae where a narrow passageway should render Xerxes massive force ineffective and enable Leonidas' defenders to hold off the Persians indefinitely. Yes, the geography is good for the Spartans, but is it enough to hold off the huge army of Xerxes? Especially when there is a traitor out there?

The Spartans have naked chests and abdomens, and wear only a cape, helmet, boots, and black leather panties with lots of junk. They look like they're in a gay porn film.

Considering that the movie idea originated as a 'graphic novel' (a nice euphemism for comic book), it gets more historical details correct than I expected.  The agoge in Sparta was real, but it was more like a modern military academy than the near death sentence described in the film. There was an influential oracle at Delphi, but she was usually a middle age woman who was a respected member of society. EPHIALTES did betray Leonidas, but he was probably not a hunchback. And on and on.  Granted, the film is not intended to be educational, but why not get as much right as possible? A brutal military school, for example, can create as much tension as demonic wolves.

The movie is full of swordplay, blood and drama (or melodrama). If you like these things, the movie should get your pulse at least up to a run. I'll give it ++++.

Review of MAN OF STEEL

MAN OF STEEL

Once again, we're on KRYPTON where JOR-EL is vainly trying to persuade the council of the planet's immanent destruction. Once again we see the traitorous GENERAL ZOD banished to a prison in space to punish him for his crimes (and to provide conflict later in the film.) And once again, we see KAL-EL, the future SUPERMAN, being rocketed away from the dying world to Earth.

Ho hum.

There are differences. The planet was destroyed, not by a nova, but rather because the Kryptonians (?) had mined their world's core to the point of making it unstable (and it's a shame the filmmakers didn't draw parallels with the exploitation of our own planet.)  And Kal-el is unique, the first 'natural' child on a planet that has practiced strict genetic control for generations.

Kal-el lands on Earth, is adopted by JONATHAN and MARTHA KENT, who name him Clark, and performs assorted miraculous rescues. However, when caught in a tornado with his family, his dad tells Clark not to rescue him because that would reveal his secret to the world before he's ready. Clark then has to watch his father die.

Oh, the trauma. There are more childhood incidents intended to show the future Superman's psychological makeup. They don’t work.

Clark joins an expedition to a mysterious object in the Arctic. Reporter LOIS LANE is also there. The object turns out to be an old Kryptonian spaceship. Wow! Clark is able to unlock it, talk to a computer reconstruction of his father's consciousness, and learn about Krypton. He also saves Lois from certain death. In contrast to all other Superman stories, Lois tracks down and identifies her mysterious savior pretty easily.  What a scoop, but he convinces her not to publish his identity.  Her editor, Perry White (who is now black) agrees.

Unfortunately, wicked General Zod has escaped his prison and has come to Earth. He wants the codex, a skull-like object that has all the genetic information of Kryptonians and is convinced Kal-El has it. If Earth doesn't surrender Kal-el to him, he will destroy the planet.

Oy vay.

Seeing Lois Lane kiss Superman reminds me of a really funny article, "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex," by Larry Niven.  Niven describes the difficulties involved in sex between Superman and humans and, indirectly shows the basic silliness of the Superman myth. The dumbest line comes when she says it’s all downhill after the first kiss, and he says that’s true only if you’re kissing a human. Wonderful, Stupidman—you’re telling Lois it’s all downhill for you, not her.

To watch movies of this genre, a lot of willing suspension of disbelief is needed. Fortunately, it isn't difficult. This film has more than its share of plot flaws, but at least it doesn't have kryptonite or ludicrous criminals like Lex Luther.

In case you think the 'S' on Superman's chest stands for Superman, this movie will correct you; it's actually the symbol of Jor-El's house and stands for hope. Jor-El and Kal-El's names are interesting since 'el' is the Hebrew word for God.  Maybe this is a remnant of Superman's origin from the imagination of two Jewish guys. But why does Zod wear that same ‘S’ symbol on his chest?

The biggest negative is fighting scenes between Zod and his allies and the forces of good. They go on too long and get monotonous, especially since you know how they will end.

This film diverges a lot from most Superman stories, and that makes it more interesting. It's not just another rehash.  In spite of its flaws, the movie grabs your interest (a least for Superman fans) and gets your pulse up at least to a jog.  I give it +++.

Review of ENDER'S GAME

ENDER'S GAME

 

Science fiction, Orson Scott Card, Harrison Ford, released 2013

 

In the year 2086, a race of ant-like creatures, FORMICS, attacks Earth and is beaten off under the leadership of a military genius named MAZER RACKHAM (Ben Kingsley), but as a cost of millions of human deaths. Humanity then focuses on repelling a second attack. Earth builds a complex educational infrastructure where selected children must devote their lives becoming as good as Mazer Rackham--if possible. Though the formics have not launched an incursion for fifty years, surely one is inevitable and humanity must be ready.

 

ENDER WIGGEN is a student at one of the basic schools. He is exceptional in both academic and physical training, but is constantly being picked on by bullies. When one of the bullies attack, Ender floors him and then continues beating and kicking him even after he is subdued. COLONEL HYRAM GRAFF (Harrison Ford), who has been spying on Ender all along, asks Ender why his counterattack was so vicious. The answer: to prevent future attacks in addition to ending this one. Graff smiles. This is the characteristic he wants in a leader. Ender ends up promoted to the top level battle school and is given a series of simulated battles against the formics, most, but not all, of which he wins. Then comes the final simulation against a massive formic fleet.  But all is not as it seems.

 

As far as I remember, the movie is faithful to the book.  Orsen Scott Card is a devout Mormon, and his novels are said to reflect those beliefs, but I can't see any connection. The movie raises such issues as child soldiers, war in the absence of a clear danger and other problems, and discusses them in a reasonable manner. To what extent should society exploit the few for the safety of the many; how far can a civilization go to defend itself. There are no answers to questions like these. There's a surprise ending, so if you haven't read the book, be careful to avoid spoilers.

      

Harrison Ford as Colonel Graff is a disappointment. Gone are all traces of Han Solo, leaving only a constipated military bureaucrat behind.  Ben Kingsley, on the other hand, plays his role as the cool savant very well.

 

This is a quality film, both from a cinematic viewpoint and as a workout movie, especially for sci-fi fans. There are a few slow spots and a couple of plot flaws (mainly in the development of some of the characters), but in general it's well crafted. It will frequently get your pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Review of EUROPA REPORT

EUROPA REPORT

'Found footage' science fiction drama, released 2013

Humanity is going to one of Jupiter's moons, EUROPA. Recent findings of heat signatures there have made this trip so urgent, a private company, Europa Ventures, is spending billions to send an international crew of six (instead of just a robotic probe) to search for signs of life. DR SAMANTHA UNGER, the CEO of the company, shows the enthusiastic beginning of the voyage, and she and the crew members describe the early part of the trip. Unfortunately (of course, unfortunately--it wouldn't be much of a story otherwise) communication between Earth and the spaceship is lost. Most of the film from then on is from the video diary of the pilot, ROSA DASQUE.

It soon becomes apparent that one of the crew has died, but just how is not shown until much later. The chief engineer, ANDREI BLOK, develops psychological problems. These events destroy the thrill of the journey for the rest. When they finally reach Europa, they land too far from their target in CONAMARA CHAOS (a real area on Europa), so KATYA PETROVNA, the science officer volunteers to take a surface walk, and does indeed find a one-celled living creature. Then the ice cracks and she dies. The survivors now have to decide to keep searching for more evidence of life or to return to Earth with what information they have…

Neil deGrasse Tyson puts in a cameo as himself, which is always welcome.

EUROPA REPORT has been described as a slow burning thriller. That's accurate. You don't even realize there's some kind of mystery for the first half hour.  The movies is also said to 'put the science back into science fiction,' but that's a laugh. People talk between the spaceship and Earth instantaneously with no light-speed transmission time delay, and one of the astronauts says the surface of Europa is at absolute zero temperature. Plus, the excuse, heat signatures, for sending people before sending robots is silly.

The film reminds one of 2001, but isn't nearly as well done. For one, the director jumps back and forth between one time period and another. Whatever his intention, the result is a confusing muddle that's hard to follow.

Yet even with all the negative comments, the movie held my interest, and I watched to the end. As a workout movie, I rate it at +++ - it will get your pulse up to a jog.