Review of RAFIO FREE ALBEMUTH

RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH - 2010

NICK BRADY works in his father's record shop in the 1980s and is frustrated because dad insists CDs will never replace vinyl. He also has strange visions which upset his wife RACHAEL so much, she thinks about leaving him, though she drops that idea when she gets pregnant. Nick calls the source of the visions VALIS, Vast Alien Living Intelligence System, but he worries the visions may be a symptom of mental illness. One vision tells him that his infant son has a strangulated inguinal hernia, and when Nick rushes the baby to an emergency room, it turns out the vision was right, and Nick is reassured about his sanity. Then the visions tell him to move to LA; he obeys, gets a job with a recording company, and prospers.

It's a difficult time for America. The president, FERRIS F FREMONT (FFF--666), is running for a fifth term, and uses the threat of a terrorist organization, ARAMCHEK, to justify increasingly restrictive measures. One of his big-brother organizations, FRIENDS OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE (FAP - look it up in the Urban Dictionary) wants Nick to help them with their propaganda. He refuses. FAP goes to SF author and Nick's best friend, PHILIP K. DICK, (hey - he wrote the book, so why shouldn't he put himself in his own story?) and ask him to spy on Nick. Nick also refuses. FAP and Fremont do not like to be refused…

In the film, PKD describes his novels as sounding like they were written on LSD. I'd say like they were written by a schizophrenic. Either way, he is an excellent storyteller, and this movie is pretty faithful to his novel of the same name.

In some ways, PKD is prescient. Decades before the Patriot Act (but decades after Orwell's 1984) which Bush introduced and Obama continued, Dick describes similar measures implemented by President Fremont. Dystopian stories are common; this one is better than most, and the quasi-supernatural flavor added by Valis adds to it.

There is a fair amount of religious symbolism towards the end, and this slows the pace, but it doesn't take up a lot of time. Though it's gotten bad reviews, I consider it an engaging and interesting flic. And as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a run. I rate it as ++++.

Review of 2001-A SPACE ODYSSEY

2001 - A SPACE ODYSSEY- 1968

Act one. A dark screen and ominous music. We see a beautiful savannah with our human ancestors living their pitiful lives. Then more advanced ancestors. The theme from R. Strauss's THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA announces the MONOLITH, a featureless gray oblong. Excited hominids gather about it and soon afterwards discover how to use a bone as a weapon. They exult.

Act two. A match cut switches from the bone to a space shuttle serenely approaching an artificial satellite.  J. Strauss's BLUE DANUBE waltz plays in the background. HEYWOOD R. FLOYD is going to the quarantined TYCHO base on the moon. The rumor is that a dangerous infection made the quarantine necessary, but the real reason is another monolith, this one uncovered after being buried in lunar soil for three million years. The government wants this find kept secret lest it cause panic. Floyd goes to inspect the monolith just as the lunar dawn is breaking, and the artifact, seeing the sun for the first time since it was buried, sends a powerful radio signal direct to Jupiter.

Act three. Spaceship DISCOVERY, with FRANK POOLE, DAVID BOWMAN, and HAL, a 9000 computer, (plus some hibernating scientists) are on their way to Jupiter. All seems well, but then HAL asks Frank questions about unprecedented secrecy surrounding their mission, and immediately afterwards announces an impending failure in a communications unit. The astronauts retrieve the unit, but examination shows no problem. Could HAL have made a mistake? The 9000 computers have an absolutely error free records. Frank and David lock themselves into an EVA pod and discuss whether HAL's intellectual function should be shut down. However, the pod has a window, HAL has vision sensors all over, and he can read lips...

At this point, the theater version breaks for a long intermission. Some televised versions skip the intermission, which is a shame.

H+1 is I. A+1 is B. L=1 is M.  IBM. Deny it though they may, I think it's intentional.

This movie is a masterpiece, more, I think, because of Stanly Kubrick's directing than to Arthur C. Clark's writing. Though Kubrick and Clark collaborated on the screenplay, the original book is standard science fiction, while the movie is a mystical experience. The book explains the monolith's actions, Hal's breakdown, the ornate room at the end of the film and more. The movie only hints at these and leaves you wondering. HAL in the movie is much more ominous than in the book, and the uneasiness of the two men when talking to HAL is palpable.

If you've never seen this film, you're missing something. Even if you saw it decades ago, it's worth renting.

The action is unhurried. For example, while the Millennium Falcon enters the Death Star in a few seconds, it takes a few minutes for the Floyd's shuttle to enter the station. But the movie doesn't drag. That scene is a dance in space and it maintains your interest. As a workout movie, the final scenes are a bit monotonous, but the rest of the movie will easily get your pulse up to a run. Overall, I give it ++++.

There's a sequel, 2010, which is good, but not at the same level as the original.

Review of OUTLAND

OUTLAND

1981

The titanium mine on Io, one of Jupiter's moons, is a harsh and difficult place. Federal Marshal WILLIAM O'NEIL (Sean Connery) has just been assigned to that hellhole because he has a big mouth and speaks what his superiors want unsaid. The manager of the mine, MARK SHEPHARD, welcomes O'Neal with a speech in which he brags that his miners work hard and production is high, so they can also play hard.

There is a series of strange accidents. One man hallucinates spiders on his space suit, rips it open, and his insides explode in the vacuum.  Another man attacks one of the camp's prostitutes and threatens to kill her. Security forces kill him instead. O'Neil is suspicious. He consults with the camp's doctor. MARIAN LAZARUS, an acerbic wretch who never ever shows any emotion, sentimentality or caring. Usually. She agrees to help him, searches the medical records, and discovers that dozens of similar violent deaths have occurred in the past few years. Furthermore, all of the bodies were shipped off from Io without autopsies.

Unfortunately, CAROL O'NEIL, William's wife, has gotten the courage to send him a video message saying she was leaving Io to take their son, PAUL to Earth where he can live a normal life. She begs O'Neil to join her, but he has to finish his work in the mining colony.

O'Neil goes to one of the corpses still on Io, sticks a needle in its neck to extract blood, and finds a dangerous stimulant. After more digging, he finds a whole cache of the stimulant. This is what causes the high production of the mine and also the deaths. Shepard, the manager, must be responsible. O'Neil tells him he's uncovered the secret and intends to bring Shepard down. Shepard tells O'Neil he's a dead man, and arranges for assassins to come to Io to murder O'Neil. O'Neil asks the miners if anyone will help him, but they are afraid.

Oy vay.

This should be a wonderful workout film. It has an exotic setting, emotional complications, violent fights, sometimes to the death, mystery, betrayal, likeable characters, etc, etc. But, for me at least, there was no tension. Sean Connery does die in some of his films, but I never got the feeling he could in this one. Too many factors--like people about to kill themselves, Carols announcement that she's leaving, the betrayal and, of course, O'Neil's eventual victory--are all predictable. It will get your pulse up to a jog, so I'll give it +++, but I had hoped for better.

Review of THE TOMORROW PEOPLE

THE TOMORROW PEOPLE - episodes 1 to 4

Released 2013

  

STEVEN JAMESON is a high school student with a problem. He wakes up in the middle of the night in strange places, including a neighbor's bed. He's been diagnosed as a sleepwalker, but medications don't help. Then a voice in his head, CARA COBURN, tells him he has a mutation enabling him to teleport himself and also to hear other people's thoughts by telepathy. That explains a lot. Also, the mutation enables telekinesis. These three powers, the three Ts, make the mutation carriers, the TOMORROW PEOPLE, into a new species, Homo superior.

Ah, but life is not easy for these people. JEDEKIAH PRICE, Steven's uncle, sees the Tomorrow People (TPs) as a threat to normal humans, and so has coopted a group of mutants, the ALPHAS, to hunt them down and either recruit them to the alphas, take away their powers, or kill them. His actual goal is to kill all the TPs but he doesn't tell that to many people, and not to any alpha TPs. To evade the alphas and also to keep their existence secret from normal humans, the TPs hide out in an abandoned subway station under the leadership of JOHN YOUNG, a former alpha agent who rebelled. TIM, a pleasant and presumably non-murderous HAL type computer, helps them in various ways.

Steven's father plays an unclear but important role in all this. The father, a man with considerable mutant powers, had abandoned the family when Steven was small to protect his family, but probably for other reasons as well. Steven must find him, and Jedekiah likely has information. So Steven becomes a double agent, working for the alphas, but giving information back to the TPs...

Why any mutant would work for Jedekiah is never explained. After all, they have telepathic powers, so they should realize he wants to kill all of them.

As with many series, the first episode, which explains the theme, is the best, but the next few episodes throw in enough new complications to keep it interesting. Also, the characters raise the question of just what it means to be human, though the matter isn't discussed with a lot of sophistication. Still, there's a lot of excitement. I rate it at ++++. It will often get your pulse up to a run.

Review of COOL WORLD

COOL WORLD - 1992

 FRANK HARRIS (Brad Pitt), a recently discharged WWII veteran, is taking his mother for a motorcycle ride when a car runs into them and she is killed. A scientist, DR. VINCENT WHISKERS in COOL WORLD sees the accident through an interdimensional portal.

Cool world is a parallel universe in which the inhabitants are cartoons (“DOODLES”), a fountain pen is a dangerous weapon because it can suck the ink from a character, and sex between doodles and “NOIDS”, (humans) is strictly forbidden because it could destroy both the real world and the cartoon world. Whiskers plans to teleport into the real world, but a mishap occurs and Frank is transported to Cool World.

Jumping ahead forty-seven years, we meet JACK DEEBS, a prisoner (he killed his wife's lover) who is being released. While in jail he had gotten inspiration to write a comic strip about Cool World, which he thinks is his own original creation. Drawing one of the characters in particular, the shixalicious HOLLI WOULD (Kim Basinger), has helped maintain his sanity while in jail.

When he gets home, lights flash off and on and Jack is drawn into Cool World to meet Holli. She is sex-personified, a beauty, but most of the rest of Cool world is chaotic, ugly, and violent, though, since the inhabitants are cartoons, no one gets hurt by the violence. Holli tells Jack she wants to go to the real world and feel reality. To that end, she seduces him and, in some pretty good morphing, becomes human.  Thus, the prime directive—no sex between noids and doodles—has been broken and the basic fabric of both realities endangered...

The plot is often silly, the animation is primitive, and the characters poorly developed. But the movie has a certain charm. Holli’s eroticism, though without nipples or pubes, is a pleasant stimulus for working out (at least for guys). Of interest, when she becomes human, she is no longer shixalicious. In one sequence, she flashes between her voluptuous form and a clown suggesting that preoccupation with sex is in itself not real, but rather something to be relegated to the world of cartoons and other fantasies.

At any rate, it helped my workout. I rate it as ++++. It should get your pulse up to a run.

Review of IRON SKY

IRON SKY

Science fiction, Nazis, politics, Sarah Palin, parody, comedy 2012.

In 2018, the American president (never named but an obvious parody of Sara Palin), hoping to boost her ratings before the next election, sends two astronauts to the moon.  One, JAMES WASHINGTON, is black and quite photogenic, which is no surprise because he's a male model. They land near the border of the far-side of the moon, and--wow--WASHINGTON finds an industrial city, a Fourth Reich built by Nazis when the Third Reich fell. The Nazis plan to conquer the Earth, but their computers, 1940's relics, don't help. When Washington shows them a smart phone and says he knows the president, KLAUS ADLER's eyes light up. Klaus, who wants to be the next Furhrer, 'Aryanizes' Washington (makes his skin color Caucasian) and takes him on a flying saucer to Earth to get more smart phones and also to enlist the aid of the president. Klaus' genetically compatible girlfriend, RENATE RICHTER, who had stowed away on the saucer, explains how the Nazis want nothing but love and peace and happiness for all. The president buys it, and the campaign proceeds. However, Washington is really pissed that he now looks white. Renate tells him he should be grateful, but she ends up learning a bit more about the Third Reich than expected. And this blonde Frauline, with Washington's help, can put quite a kink into Klaus Adler's plans...

Silly?  Of course.  This film has plotholes big enough to fly a dirigible through. In fact, they even show dirigibles in space. For a moment, the movie looked like it might be serious, but when you see the Sarah Palin lookalike, well played by Stephanie Paul (move over, Tina Fey), the satiric nature is obvious. Nazis, politics in general and Sara Palin in particular, and gullibility in general all get hit with well-deserved ridicule.

At times the pacing is similar to AIRPLANE where scenes pretty much abandon the plot in order to make a joke. This movie isn't as funny as Airplane, but it does have a lot of laughs and is easy viewing while you're working out.  I give it +++.  It will get your pulse up to at least a jog.

Review of DOLL HOUSE

THE DOLL HOUSE - episodes 1-7

Science fiction, mind control, ethics, morality, 2009

CAROLINE FARRELL, later known as ECHO, is being given a hard choice by ADELLE DEWITT, the director of one of the DOLLHOUSES. She can either agree to let the Dollhouse run her life for five years or she can face an unspecified fate. She accepts the former, and becomes an ACTIVE, that is, someone whose original personality is wiped and who then gets a new personality designed for whatever purpose a wealthy client wants. This purpose could be sexual, criminal, political or whatever. After the five years, the actives get a lot of money and resolution of personal problems including accusations of murder, and their original personalities are restored. Whether the active knows before signing that he/she could also be maimed or killed during an assignment isn't clear.

In the first episode, Echo is programmed as an uncompromising but efficient hostage negotiator, being sent to rescue a millionaire's daughter. However, traces of Echo's prior personality, the one that should have been completely wiped, keep popping up.  Needless to say, this assignment, like the others does not take place exactly as planned.

Echo, like all the actives, has a 'handler,' BOYD LANGDON, an ex-cop with an unknown past. He's quite solicitous of Echo, and, though she can get herself out of most predicaments, he  often steps in at the last minute to save her. Echo also has an FBI agent, PAUL BALLARD, who is obsessed with her.  He knows of her life as Caroline and is determined to uncover the Dollhouse and rescue her.

Dollhouse has a lot going for it.  There is action, titillation (though not tits), a lot of humor, and several serious moral questions. Though most of the dollhouse staff treat the actives kindly and gently, the house has robbed the actives of independent choice. And, as the first episode shows, the original decision to sign up was often (if not always) under coercion. So why does Boyd, who seems like a genuinely good person, cooperate with the organization? The stereotyped computer geek, TOPHER BRINK, seems devoid of qualms, but even he wonders at times whether his actions are evil.

Dewitt and Topher are so similar to Amanda and Seymour from the NIKITA series, I think it's a ripoff.

The series was aired for only two seasons. It had a an enthusiastic, but not very numerous following, and so ended up being canceled.  That's a shame. Watching these episodes really helps my workout and even gives me a little to think about. I rate it as ++++.  It will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of HEAVY METAL

HEAVY METAL

heavy metal, graphic novel, animation nudity, 1981

A spaceship in low Earth orbit opens its bay door and out comes…a 1969 Corvette. Astronaut GRIMALDI drives/pilots the car to a safe landing in the desert, and with this bit of nonsense the film begins. Grimaldi opens a case he brought to show his the-year old daughter a green sphere, but the sphere disintegrates him, identifies itself as the LOC-NAR, the 'sum of all evils,' and forces the terrified girl to look inside it and see vignettes of what bad things it has done.

The first vignette is typical. A cab driver, HARRY CANYON, picks up a young shixalicious (my contribution to the English language) woman who is fleeing RUDNICK, a gangster who had killed her father while trying to get the Loc-Nar from him. Harry takes the girl back to his apartment for safety, and that night, instead of staying on the couch, she undresses and crawls into bed with him. It turns out the girl has try Loc-Nar, and decides to sell it to Rudnick and split the proceeds with Harry. But when Rudnick takes Loc-Nar out of its case, he disintegrates. The girl then says she wants to keep the money for herself, but Harry has a disintegrator specifically for fares who try to stiff him, and he uses it on her.

What? It doesn't make any sense? Don't worry about it. It isn't supposed to. It's just something to watch and let your mind be carried along with the absurdities.

The movie is an animated adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name. While the music is heavy metal, it's not so loud as to break your eardrums, and, in fact, fits nicely with the story, such as it is. The animation is primitive by today's standards, but that just adds to the charm and keeps you from trying to take it seriously.  There's lots of bizarre aliens, unrealistic blood and gore, and big breasted women with perky nipples and occasional glimpses of pubic hair, though no outright pornography. Hay, I like it.

The movie was largely panned when released, but afterwards became somewhat of a cult classic (like the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW). I enjoyed it, and plan to see the sequel HEAVY METAL 2008.  The combination of humor and action kept me interested and entertained. It's no cinematic masterpiece, but as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Review of THE ONE

THE ONE

Science fiction, Jet Li, multiverse, alternate identities, released 2001

The film opens with a shot of a prisoner being escorted down a prison catwalk while inmates hurl curses and threats at lawless.  At first you think they're cursing the guards, but it turns out LAWLESS (Jet Li) is the prisoner (though what he's done to generate such hatred is never shown). The police put a bulletproof vest and other protection to transfer him safely to another prison. But in the garage, Lawless suspects something is wrong, and a few minutes later, bullets erupt from a heating vent, killing Lawless. The shooter is YULAW (also Jet Li - everyone with a 'law' in their name is played by Jet Li.)

Yulaw is from an alternate universe and travels from one universe to another to kill his alternate identities and thus absorb their power. When Yulaw murders Lawless, his total number of kills is 144. Only one more identity is left, GABRIEL LAW, a LA cop in still another universe. If Yulaw kills Law, Yulaw will be so powerful, he'll be a god.

RODECKER and FUNSCH are police from the alpha universe who have been ssigned to prevent unauthorized travel between universes. They're trying to apprehend Yulaw and send him to the Stygian prison in the Hades universe, but Yulaw, with the powers he's absorbed from his victims, is faster and stronger. They turn to Gabriel for help. Like Yulaw, Gabe has been growing stronger with every death of an alternate identity, but he's still no match for Yulaw. Can Yulaw be defeated? If Yulaw kills Gabe, will Yulaw become a god? What if Gabe kills Yulaw and absorbs all of his power? Will that make Gabe a god, and if so, will he use his powers wisely?

I don't know the mathematics that predict a multiverse, but I'm pretty sure they don't allow for the shenanigans of this film.  And there are other plot flaws.

Jet Li is fun, and generally (not always) portrays his multiple roles adequately, though not with the brilliance of Tatiana Maslany who usually leaves no doubt as to which clone she represents in ORPHAN BLACK.

Rotten Tomatoes gives the film a 14% approval rating. Granted, it's a lightweight flick, but I thought it was enjoyable, with lots of action and even a little food for thought. Though it has no outstanding characteristics, it will get your pulse up to a run and help the minutes pass by.  I give it ++++.

Review of LOOPER

LOOPER

Sci-fi, thriller, Bruce Willis, 2012

In 2074, time travel will be invented, but will immediately be declared illegal. However, organized crime will use it to eliminate their enemies. When they want someone dead, they tie the victim up, put a hood over his head, and send him to a pre-specified place in 2044 where a 'LOOPER' shoots him with a blunderbuss and incinerates the body. The perfect crime. Only one problem; thirty years after 2044 becomes 2074, the looper is now in the era of time travel and is a potential witness to the crimes, and so the looper is then tied up, hooded and sent back in time to be shot by his earlier self.

One looper, JOE, played initially by Joseph Gortdon, is disturbed by the visit of his friend, SETH, who tells Joe he had failed to 'close the loop' by letting his future self escape instead of shooting him. Seth hides, but the looper police, so to speak, know Joe has hidden Seth, and bribe Joe with bars of silver (intrusive symbolism even though they don't say how many pieces of silver) to betray Seth. Then Joe finds himself having to kill his own future self--let's call him older Joe--but, like Seth, younger Joe lets older Joe get away. Unlike Seth, younger Joe flees the country, and we see brief glimpses of his life during the next thirty years as he morphs from Joseph Gortdon into Bruce Willis. Henchmen of the RAINMAKER, the wicked dictator of that era, kidnap older Joe. They plan to tie him up and send him back to 2044 to be shot by younger Joe, but, furious because his wife was killed during the kidnapping, older Joe overpowers the kidnappers and returns to the past where he is able to evade death at the hands of his younger self.

Older Joe has learned the addresses of three children, one of whom will grow up to be the tyrannical Rainmaker (short for Reignmaker), and determines to kill them all the children so as to preemptively prevent Rainmaker's despotic rule. ('Would you kill Hitler as a child?' reasoning.) Younger Joe will do almost anything to stop this murder.  Meanwhile, two other loopers, KID BLUE and JESSE, are trying to kill both of the Joe's and thus close the loop.

Lots of people working at cross purposes.

This movie has a lot going on, and it's exciting.  The plot twists draw you in and make you wonder what will happen next. Bruce Willis is good, but not great, his usual ironic nonchalance becoming a little tiresome.

One major flaw, at least for me, was the repeated blatant violations of the grandfather paradox. The story requires these violations, especially at the end, but personally, I want to scream 'that's ridiculous' and slap the script writer in the face.

It did get my pulse up to a run, so I rate it at ++++. People who don't care about paradoxes will probably do even better.

Review of ENDER'S GAME

ENDER'S GAME

 

Science fiction, Orson Scott Card, Harrison Ford, released 2013

 

In the year 2086, a race of ant-like creatures, FORMICS, attacks Earth and is beaten off under the leadership of a military genius named MAZER RACKHAM (Ben Kingsley), but as a cost of millions of human deaths. Humanity then focuses on repelling a second attack. Earth builds a complex educational infrastructure where selected children must devote their lives becoming as good as Mazer Rackham--if possible. Though the formics have not launched an incursion for fifty years, surely one is inevitable and humanity must be ready.

 

ENDER WIGGEN is a student at one of the basic schools. He is exceptional in both academic and physical training, but is constantly being picked on by bullies. When one of the bullies attack, Ender floors him and then continues beating and kicking him even after he is subdued. COLONEL HYRAM GRAFF (Harrison Ford), who has been spying on Ender all along, asks Ender why his counterattack was so vicious. The answer: to prevent future attacks in addition to ending this one. Graff smiles. This is the characteristic he wants in a leader. Ender ends up promoted to the top level battle school and is given a series of simulated battles against the formics, most, but not all, of which he wins. Then comes the final simulation against a massive formic fleet.  But all is not as it seems.

 

As far as I remember, the movie is faithful to the book.  Orsen Scott Card is a devout Mormon, and his novels are said to reflect those beliefs, but I can't see any connection. The movie raises such issues as child soldiers, war in the absence of a clear danger and other problems, and discusses them in a reasonable manner. To what extent should society exploit the few for the safety of the many; how far can a civilization go to defend itself. There are no answers to questions like these. There's a surprise ending, so if you haven't read the book, be careful to avoid spoilers.

      

Harrison Ford as Colonel Graff is a disappointment. Gone are all traces of Han Solo, leaving only a constipated military bureaucrat behind.  Ben Kingsley, on the other hand, plays his role as the cool savant very well.

 

This is a quality film, both from a cinematic viewpoint and as a workout movie, especially for sci-fi fans. There are a few slow spots and a couple of plot flaws (mainly in the development of some of the characters), but in general it's well crafted. It will frequently get your pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Review of EUROPA REPORT

EUROPA REPORT

'Found footage' science fiction drama, released 2013

Humanity is going to one of Jupiter's moons, EUROPA. Recent findings of heat signatures there have made this trip so urgent, a private company, Europa Ventures, is spending billions to send an international crew of six (instead of just a robotic probe) to search for signs of life. DR SAMANTHA UNGER, the CEO of the company, shows the enthusiastic beginning of the voyage, and she and the crew members describe the early part of the trip. Unfortunately (of course, unfortunately--it wouldn't be much of a story otherwise) communication between Earth and the spaceship is lost. Most of the film from then on is from the video diary of the pilot, ROSA DASQUE.

It soon becomes apparent that one of the crew has died, but just how is not shown until much later. The chief engineer, ANDREI BLOK, develops psychological problems. These events destroy the thrill of the journey for the rest. When they finally reach Europa, they land too far from their target in CONAMARA CHAOS (a real area on Europa), so KATYA PETROVNA, the science officer volunteers to take a surface walk, and does indeed find a one-celled living creature. Then the ice cracks and she dies. The survivors now have to decide to keep searching for more evidence of life or to return to Earth with what information they have…

Neil deGrasse Tyson puts in a cameo as himself, which is always welcome.

EUROPA REPORT has been described as a slow burning thriller. That's accurate. You don't even realize there's some kind of mystery for the first half hour.  The movies is also said to 'put the science back into science fiction,' but that's a laugh. People talk between the spaceship and Earth instantaneously with no light-speed transmission time delay, and one of the astronauts says the surface of Europa is at absolute zero temperature. Plus, the excuse, heat signatures, for sending people before sending robots is silly.

The film reminds one of 2001, but isn't nearly as well done. For one, the director jumps back and forth between one time period and another. Whatever his intention, the result is a confusing muddle that's hard to follow.

Yet even with all the negative comments, the movie held my interest, and I watched to the end. As a workout movie, I rate it at +++ - it will get your pulse up to a jog.

Review of THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

In 1980, the aircraft carrier USS NIMITZ takes on a civilian observer, WARREN LASKY (Martin Sheen) at the request of Lasky's secretive billionaire boss, a MR. TIDEMAN. The Nimitz captain, MATTHEW YELLAND (Kirk Douglas), isn't happy about this, but Tideman has given a lot of money and support to the Navy, so they go along with foolishness like a 'civilian observer' with unspecified duties.

The Nimitz sets sail from Pearl Harbor on a routine training mission, but encounters a bizarre storm not predicted by any of their instruments. Blue fire engulfs the ship and men collapse in pain from the noise as the ship passes through the storm. On the other side of the turbulence are, to everyone's surprise, clear skies and calm seas. Standard communication frequencies are silent; only on lower AM bands are there any broadcasts--a Jack Benny show, a boxing match with Joe Louis. A reconnaissance flight over Pearl Harbor shows an intact Battleship ARIZONA, not a sunken monument. Could this be some massive hoax? Is everyone hallucinating? Could it be that the strange storm transported them back in time to the day before the attack on Pearl Harbor?

Further reconnaissance shows the Japanese fleet steaming its way towards Pearl. Now what? Should Yelland have the Nimitz attack the fleet? With its technology, it could take on the entire Japanese navy of thirty-eight years earlier, but that navy has not yet committed any hostile act. Moreover, that would change history, and what would happen to the Nimitz crew then...

Most time travel movies ignore the problem of the grandparent paradox, but not this one. The writers have taken it well into account, a major plus in my book.

Kirk Douglas is excellent as the captain, playing the role with a quiet assurance that is totally believable. In spite of the fantastic premise of time travel, most of the movie is believable, so much so, I checked with google to see if some of the characters were actual historical figures. Sadly, they aren't.

Several scenes are obvious ploys to increase tension, for example, when a damaged plane has difficulty landing on the carrier. Will the plane crash?  Will the pilot, a novice, survive? You can guess the outcome, and, in any event, it doesn't affect the main plot-line. Still the episode stimulates adrenalin and demands your intention.

Like so many others, this film has no deep character portrayals, no insightful meanings, not even extraordinary eye candy. The ending, where the identity of the mysterious Mr. Tideman is revealed, is anticlimactic and disappointing. Nevertheless, most of the movie is exciting and draws you in. For working out, it's great.  I give it +++++.  It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of STAR TREK - WRATH OF KAHN

STAR TREK - WRATH OF KAHN

The year is 2285. Lieutenant SAAVIK, a Vulcan woman, is trying to rescue traders under attack by Klingons. She fails and everyone is killed, but that's all right; it's just a simulation, one that all Starfleet officer trainees must take. Only one officer has ever passed--James T Kirk. Kirk is now an admiral, and hates it. He wants to go back to flying the Enterprise.

Meanwhile, Starship RELIANT is out searching for a totally lifeless planet on which to test GENESIS, a device to transform lifeless rocks into habitable planets by a process officially known as plausible bullshit. They find a suitable planet, Ceti Alpha VI--actually Ceti Alpha V, but never mind. Chekov and CAPTAIN CLARK beam down, only to be captured by genetically altered supersoldier KAHN (his last name is Singh, but think of his first name as Genghis.) Kahn and his comrades put a monster's larva into Chekov's brain (through his ear).  Kahn now controls Chekov's mind, and uses Chekov to take over the Reliant. 

After Saavik's test, Kirk and Spock, now captain of the Enterprise, take the trainees on a routine test drive. Soon after leaving dock, they get a distress call. Even though they haven't yet engaged the warp drive and must be near Earth and the fleet, no other ship is available to answer the call. So Kirk, Spock, and a group of green trainees must save the day.  With the help of mind-slave Chekov, Kahn ambushes and cripples the Enterprise, but fear not - SPOILER ALERT - Kirk has a few tricks of his own.

Spoiler alerts are meaningless in a movie this old and this popular.  For example - SPOILER ALERT - Spock dies in the end. However - SPOILER ALERT - he's resurrected in the next episode.

I watched this movie after seeing the prequel, INTO DARKNESS, and it was an absolute delight to see the real Kirk, Spock (especially Spock) and the others after those wannabees in the prequel. Kirk expounds, Spock reasons, Scotty sputters, and Kahn (Ricardo Montalban) is magnificent in his unbridled rage and desire for vengeance.

Having seen this film about thirty years ago, I remembered only a few scenes. Most of it was like watching for the first time.  Yes there are plot holes, but who cares? I consider this one of the best, with lots of action, drama (or melodrama) and characters who are as familiar as old friends.  As a workout movie, I give it +++++ - it will get your pulse up to a sprint.

The next sequel, SEARCH FOR SPOCK, shows Spock's resurrection, and also the destruction of the Enterprise. It has more slow scenes and too much melodrama. Why would super-logical creatures like Vulcans have so much ritual?  It's still worth seeing.  As a workout movie, I give it ++++ - it will get your pulse up to a run.

In number VI of the series, the UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY, the Klingons say they want peace but Kirk doesn't trust them. This movie has some initially wonderful lines. "There is an old Vulcan saying; only Nixon could have gone to China," but after a while, attributing Earth quotations to alien cultures gets old. Also, the plot holes are unusually frequent and blatant. Still, it's a fun flick and a good workout movie - I give it ++++ - it will often get your pulse up to a run.

Review of STAR TREK -- INTO DARKNESS

STAR TREK - INTO DARKNESS

This, the second prequel to the Star Trek series, begins with a young Kirk and Spock trying to save a pre-industrial planet from a massive volcanic eruption. Spock gets trapped, so Kirk takes the Enterprise out of the lake where it was hiding, rescues the Vulcan in the volcano and also saves the planet. But--oh no--the natives have seen the space ship, which means Kirk has violated the prime directive not to interfere. Never mind that Kirk's actions have saved an entire planet in addition to rescuing Spock, his actions and his general impulsiveness and disobedience (and maybe his threesomes in bed?) deserve punishment, so he is demoted to first officer under CAPTAIN PIKE.

A series of terrorist attacks follows. The terrorist flees to the planet KRONOS, near enough to the Klingons that the Federation won't follow, so ADMIRAL MARCUS unofficially sends Kirk with 72 torpedoes to kill the terrorist. Klingons attack Kirk, but the terrorist, who later identifies himself as KAHN, is able to kill them all. Surprisingly, after learning of the 72 torpedoes, Kahn the Klingon Killer surrenders without a fight.

It turns out that Kahn is a genetically altered super-soldier who was awakened from hibernation by Marcus to provoke a war against the Klingons. The 72 torpedoes contain people--Kahn's family and comrades. Marcus is furious that Kirk didn't kill Kahn as ordered.

So now Kirk has the Federation, the Klingons, and Kahn all trying to kill him.

Oy vay.

This prequel foreshadows the later episodes reasonable well.  It has as many plot holes as the Tea Party has nut-cases, but who cares. All the Star Trek movies and TV series have plot holes.  The real problem is that William Shatner is the only credible Kirk, Leonard Nimoy the only Spock and the same for the others. Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, their corresponding actors in the prequels, just do not cut it. For me, the best part was when young Spock contacts older Spock (remember how split universes formed when Vulcan was destroyed in the first prequel) and we see what a truly logical Vulcan (all right--half-Vulcan) is like.

I sort of enjoyed this, and as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a jog.  I give it +++. My main reaction was to watch the second Star Trek movie, WRATH OF KAHN with the real characters.  I'll review that next week.

Review of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

Little Shop of Horrors

SEYMOUR KRELBERN, quintessential nebbich, sings of how he was ‘an orphan, a child of the streets’, when he was taken in by Mr. MUSHNIK, owner of a flower shop in the slums – skid row.  Mushnik fed, clothed him, and in general exploited him. Now a young man, Seymour is in love with his coworker, Audrey, but, while she thinks he’s sweet, she already has a boyfriend, a sadistic dentist, ORIN. The dream of both Seymour’s Audrey is someday to escape from skid row. That seems unlikely. Business is poor and everyone in the shop is depressed.

Seymour’s hobby is strange plants. One day, he buys an unidentifiable plant with a bulbous head that mysteriously appears right after an unexpected solar eclipse. Suddenly people flock to Mushnik’s shop to buy flowers, money pours in, and Seymour even gets requests for interviews from radio stations and newspapers. But there is a catch. The plant—named Audrey 2—won’t grow with plant food. The only substance that will keep it healthy, as Seymour discovers when he cuts his finger, is human blood.

The shop does well, and so does Seymour, in spite of sore fingers. The plant grows rapidly, but has the disconcerting habit of falling over on its side when it wants more food. Seymour tells it he doesn’t have enough, and to his astonishment, the plant says, “Feed me,” and sings about how it is responsible for all the good things that have been happening.

 “What do you want me to do? Kill somebody?” Seymour asks.  At this point, the dentist roars up on his motorcycle and beats up Seymour’s beloved Audrey.

“A lot of folks deserve to die,” sings the plant, and Seymour agrees. He ends up feeding both Orin and Mushnik to the plant, but when the plant, who, it turns out, is an alien, “a mean, green mother from outer space, tries to eat Audrey, Seymour rescues her.  Then the plant tries to eat him…

This film is a musical comedy, not any kind of horror flick, and it is well done. From the opening shot, which looks like a view of distant stars and nebulae (but isn’t) to the end (no spoilers), it is engaging and fun. The three chorus girls, dressed in elaborate finery in the midst of skid row shabbiness, are delightful. The music is delightful, and the plot, crazy though it is, does draw you in.

This movie is delightful entertainment. As a workout film, it will get your pulse up to a run.   I give it ++++.

Review of OBLIVION

OBLIVION

JACK HARPER (Tom Cruise) and his lover, VICTORIA OLSEN (Vika) share a luxurious flat with a swimming pool.  They have a view that is out of this world, mainly because their home, Tower 49, lies on top of a metal strip 3000 feet high. Jack's job is to supervise and repair drones that protect the power stations on an Earth ruined by alien invaders--Scavs (scavengers.)  (Vika's job is to supervise Jack.) Sixty years ago, these aliens destroyed the moon, thus causing extremely nasty weather (tsunamis, etc), and then invaded Earth itself, so humanity had to use nuclear bombs to repel them. End result: a devastated home planet so that now everyone is moving to Saturn's moon, Titian.  But first they go to the TET, a massive tetrahedronal space station.

The two are scheduled to finish their jobs in two weeks and move to Titan. Vika, who loves Jack more than the reverse, is eager to go, but Jack isn't. Though supposedly both their memories were erased for reasons not immediately revealed, Jack still has recollections of standing on an undamaged Empire State Building with a beautiful woman who is not Vika. 

Jack and Vika don't have much of a social life.  Their only human contact is SALLY, a woman on the Tet who gives them instructions in a monotonous Southern drawl and keeps asking Vika if she and Jack are an effective team, which seems to mean are they still screwing.  Vika always gives an enthusiastic 'yes.'

One day, Jack lands on Earth's surface to fix a drone, and gets a glimpse of the Scavs, who look suspiciously like Tuscon Raiders from Tatooine.  Then matters get complicated.

I have two problems with Tom Cruise's movies.  The first is that, no matter what the predicament, he'll come out of it with nothing more than a few scratches and a 'Hell-of-a-day' smile.  One way or another, he's always alive at the end of the movie, so there's no suspense.  Second, whenever I see him, I think of the South Park episode in which Tom goes into a literal closet and people keep saying--you got it--'Tom, come out of the closet.'

The movie has clones, AI's, a lot of Star Wars imagery, nice eye candy, significant amounts of nonsense, and Morgan Freeman, the only black guy in the film.  His part is disappointingly small and--SPOILER ALERT--he gets killed. Actually, the black guy getting killed is so common in American films, it isn't much of a surprise.

All in all, this is not a movie to take seriously, but it's often fun, and several sections get your pulse up to a run.  I'll be generous and give it ++++.

If you like these reviews, please leave a comment.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth while continuing them.

Review of SERENITY

SERENITY

MALCOLM (Mal) REYNOLDS, heroic veteran of the failed rebellion against the tyrannical ALLIANCE, captains a junk-heap spaceship, the SERENITY.  Among his varied crew is a teenaged girl, RIVER TAM.  River is a genius, a psychic, and an extraordinary martial-arts fighter.  The Alliance, seeking to understand her abilities, had brutally experimented on her, leaving her scarcely sane. Her brother, SCOTT TAM, a physician, gave up his career and wealth to rescue her from their clutches. CHIWETEL EJIOFOR is a brilliant and ruthless Alliance operative who willingly kills for what he considers the greater good, that is, the success of Alliance goals. He is determined to return River to her experimental status or, failing that, to kill her.  Serenity's flight from Chiwetel and their attempts to understand River make up the basic plot of the movie.

The film is described as a continuation-conclusion of the short-lived Firefly series (Firefly being the class of spaceship Serenity belongs to), but it starts with Chiwetel beginning his pursuit of River, and ends with the Alliance still pursuing River and the Serenity. To me, it seems like an overlay rather than a continuation. 

Mal and the crew have many adventures including robbing a bank, fighting REAVERS (insanely violent space-cannibals), rescuing INARA (a respected 'companion', i.e. sex worker), visiting a planet where people became so pacifistic that they died, evading Reavers, sparring with Chiwetel, and fighting Reavers.  These episodes are usually exciting, but there is little logical transition between them, and the film lacks a strong binding theme.

The characters are varied and interesting.  In addition to the ones mentioned, there is ZOE WASHBURN, Mals fiercely loyal subordinate during the rebellion. JAYNE COBB, a cynical mercenary always looking for a fight, and KAYLEE FRYE, the mechanic who's ability to keep the ship flying is almost magical. She has the hots for Scott and doesn't know he has the hots for her as well.

To me, the best character is the super-competent Alliance operative, Chiwetel and his reassuring method of telling people he's about to kill that their deaths will not be shameful.

This is not a great film, but it does have a lot of good scenes.  I suspect people who have not seen the television series will enjoy the movie more because there is a lot of repetitious overlap between the two. Still, it's worth at least +++ - it will get your pulse up to a jog.

Review of THE CORE

THE CORE

A man prepares to enter a business meeting where he anticipates making a million dollars. Unfortunately, he drops dead. Dozens  more people in that city die at the same time, in the same mysterious and sudden manner. The victims had one factor in common: they all had cardiac pacemakers.

Then pigeons in London's Trafalgar square go nuts, crashing into windows and people, causing damage and injury, not to mention killing themselves.  And a space shuttle falls out of orbit and would have crashed if not for the brave actions of Major REBECCA CHILDS (who is then reprimanded by her superior officer). What's going on?

JOSH KEYES (played by Aaron Eckhart) realizes that severe perturbations in the Earth's magnetic field must have disrupted both the pacemakers, the birds' navigational sense, and the shuttle.  And the magnetic fields are screwy because THE EARTH'S MOLTEN CORE HAS STOPPED ROTATING.  Gasp. And WE'LL ALL DIE in a few months if it isn't fixed.

The only solution is to burrow through the Earth down to the core, explode some strategically placed hydrogen bombs in a precise sequence, and restart the core's rotation. Fortunately, shunned scientist ED (BRAZ) BRAZZELTON has spent his academic exile building an ultrasonic drill which can indeed take a vehicle to the core, and, by gosh, he even has the vehicle. Keyes assembles a team, including Braz, Rebecca, CONRAD ZIMSKY, an obnoxious but world famous physicist, and two others to save the world.

It's a difficult trip. They start out in the ocean, but almost can't find the spot where they're supposed to penetrate the Earth's crust. Then, while in the mantle, the encounter masses of compressed carbon--diamonds actually--the drill can't penetrate.  Then they realize they're going too fast, which screws up the precise timing they need to detonate the bombs. And so forth and so on, one crisis after another.

Will they save the world?  Will any of them make it back to the surface alive (minor spoiler--some won't)? Will Josh and Becky ever consummate their obviously growing passion?

Do I care? The characters were introduced in a rather superficial way. They are distinguishable, but one doesn't get to know them well enough to care who lives or dies or falls in love.

The movie has a lot of implausible bullshit.  Plausible bullshit is a stable of science fiction, but come on. These writers weren't even trying.

As a cinematic effort, this movie is a POS (piece of shit.)  But as a workout movie, it's effective. There is so much excitement and passion, it hooked me in spite of myself.  It deserves ++++ - it will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of MAN FROM EARTH

MAN FROM EARTH

JOHN OLDMAN is leaving town after ten years as a professor at a local college. A number of colleagues at the college gather in his cabin to wish him well. They ask why he's leaving and where he will go. At first his answers are vague. Then he tells them he will reveal the full story; he was born 14,000 years ago in cro magnon times and, for unknown reasons, stopped aging when he reached thirty years old.

None of the friends believe him, but each responds in a different way. The paleontologist asks if he has any unique artifacts to show. The biologist asks about diseases he's survived. A psychiatrist decides he is clinically insane, and perhaps should be involuntarily committed. A devout Christian is horrified at what she considers blasphemy.

Each friend tries to find a flaw in John's story, but cannot. Likewise, John is unable to provide proof to convince them--all the details he gives about earlier eras are in textbooks. The only supporting 'evidence' is that John has not aged appreciably in the ten years he has live in this town.

So is his story some kind of practical joke? Is he maliciously playing with their minds?  Is he clinically insane?  Is he actually 14,000 years old with incredible experiences and a genuine Van Gogh he's been carrying around for centuries? Or will the movie end without answering the question?

The entire film takes place in John's cabin or the immediate vicinity.  Except for a scene where one person pulls a gun, there isn't a hint of violence, and even in this scene, you know the person won't shoot. Except for the question--is he really so old--there is no tension, but that question is enough to maintain interest.

This is a much better cinematic production than a workout movie, but it's still worth watching while you exercise.  Though there are a few slow spots, I give it +++ - it will usually get your pulse up to a jog