Review of FROM DUSK TO DAWN

FROM DUSK TO DAWN - first season.

 2014 series, horror, fantasy, mythology, vampires,

A beautiful young woman is running through the jungle with dark-skinned natives in pursuit. They catch her and throw her into a pit full of snakes, one of which, in a don't-tell-me-this-isn't-Freudian shot, plunges itself deep into her wide open mouth.

The scene shifts to two Texas Rangers, rookie FREDDIE GONZALES and his mentor, EARL MCGRAW. They walk up to a convenience store out in the desert, but unfortunately, brothers SETH and RICHIE GEKKO, who have just robbed a bank and killed some people, are inside. Seth is sort of a nice guy. He describes himself as a thief, not a killer, and, in fact, he does not kill people, at least not for the hell of it. Richie, on the other hand, is a total nutcase.

Seth tells the store clerk not to let the ranchers know he and his brother are there. The ranchers enter, and Earl says he wants to 'drain the lizard'. When he returns from the bathroom, Richie, convinced that 'drain the lizard' was a code to the rangers, starts shooting. Earl is mortally wounded, and with his dying breath, tells Freddie to kill the Gekko brothers. Freddie agrees. He will pursue the brothers no matter what the cost - his career, his life, and even his family's life. And it may very well come to that.

Though the title and the first scene suggest supernatural, the rest of the pilot episode doesn't show it. True, Richie hears voices and sees weird images, but he's so crazy, you don't have to consider paranormal. But in the second episode, vampires appear, and in the third episode, the snake lady is explained.

There is only one clear shot of naked breasts, which is strange because a lot of the action takes place in a bar called the Titty Twister. Maybe they felt that unlimited murder, torture and blood was okay for kiddies, but bare boobs?  No way.

The series is an elaboration of the movie, From Dusk to Dawn and, like the movie, is violent, interesting, and without a lot of repetition. On the whole it grabs your interest. Another season is planned, and I'll probably watch it. I give it ++++. It will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of POULTRYGEIST (Night of the Chicken Dead)

POULTRYGEIST (Night of the Chicken Dead)

2003,

ARBIE and WENDY, two high school teens, are pledging undying love while making out in a graveyard. He has trouble loosening her bra, so she, with a pleasant smile, unhooks it herself, revealing a lovely pair of boobs. A crazed man with a hatchet in one hand and his erect penis in another staggers towards them, and they run away. Then a tentacle comes out from a grave, plunges itself into the man’s ass and out through his mouth.

This pretty much sets the tone of the movie.

A semester later, Wendy returns from college as a member of CLAM – College Lesbians Against Megacorporations. Wendy, her girlfriend MICKIE (whose boobs, as we later see, are not nearly as nice), and other Clam members are protesting a new AMERICAN CHICKEN BUNKER (ACB) restaurant because, a) it’s on an old Native American burial site, and b) it’s mean to chickens. Wendy’s betrayal upsets Arbie so much, he wants revenge and marches into the protested restaurant to get a job.

All the employees have restaurant themed names. The manager is Denny, and the workers are Carl Junior, Paco Bell, and Humus, who wears a bright red burka which she rips off at the end of the movie.

Strange things (to say the least) happen. Paco Bell is pushed into the meat grinder by an uncooked chicken and is turned into a talking ‘sloppy Jose’ sandwich. Carl Jr. tries to fuck a dead chicken, but it bites his dick which then looks like a broomstick with a circumcised head.  Through all of this, bodily fluids of a profusion of colors (but not white) are sprayed all over walls, floors, toilets, and people. The head of the ACB corporation, GENERAL LEE ROY, a dead ringer for Colonel Sanders and a former KKK member, tells everyone not to worry, but when people start turning into chicken zombies, matters really go downhill.

This is a stupid, gross, immature film. I’m surprised it got reasonably good reviews. It’s clearly aimed at thirteen-year-old heterosexual boys. But let’s face it, guys; a thirteen-year-old who laughs at fart jokes and cries out ‘BOOBIES’ at the sight of bare breasts lies not far beneath the surface in all of us. This movie made me laugh, and that helps my workout. I give it ++++.  It will frequently get your pulse up to a run.

Review of SOLOMON KANE

Solomon Kane

SOLOMON KANE is a skilled warrior, but is also a psychopathic killer..  On one of his raids, he is confronted by a menacing figure, the devil's reaper who has come to take him to hell.  He jumps out of a window, runs to a monastery and, to save his soul, vows to renounce violence.  

Apparently, he had never before considered that heavenly authorities might look with disfavor on his habit of pillaging and murder.

He pays the monks a lot of money to take him in, and he stays there, a good boy, for several months. Then the abbot has a bad dream about him, so the monks throw him out, though without returning his money. Wandering through the countryside, he passes hanged corpses, and other disturbing sights. A band of violent robbers attack him and, since he in his repentant state will not fight back, they knock him out. Luckily, a family of pilgrims, the CROWTHORNS, finds him, and nurse him back to health. The father WILLIAM, invites Solomon to join them, and the teenaged daughter, MEREDITH happily sews for him a snazzy Darth Vader-style cloak.

The land is troubled. A cruel sorcerer, MALACHI, and his masked abettor terrorize the countryside, enslaving and killing people and burning their towns.  When Malachi's raiders attack the Crowthorns, they beg Solomon to intervene and save them, but he, true to his vow of non-violence, passively watches most of them be killed or mortally wounded. Only when cute little Meredith is kidnapped does he decide that saving his soul isn't worth it and starts killing the raiders, not that this belated response helps the Crowthorns. A dying William adjures Solomon to rescue his daughter, and promises that Solomon's soul will be redeemed if he does. Solomon vows to do so.

Solomon then meets zombies, insane priests, demonic raiders, the masked man and Malachi himself as he seeks to save Meredith.

There is a lot of religious symbolism in the movie.  Praying, saving souls, demonic confrontations are common.  At one point, Solomon is literally crucified, with a crucified victims on either side of him.  There are interesting theological implications to all this which I doubt the filmmakers bothered to think though.

Good graphics create fearful-looking monsters and the music is stirring. The film should appeal to people who like unsophisticated horror and, in fact, has received good reviews.  As far as I'm concerned, it's a POS, but it should get your pulse up to at least a jog, and so is worth at least +++.

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