Review of 'CLASH OF THE TITIANS'

CLASH OF THE TITIANS

The Olympian gods want more prayers and devotions from humanity, but people feel the gods are tyrannical. When soldiers destroy a statue of Zeus, he asks his brother, Hades, to punish humanity. Hades goes to the people of Argo and tells them to sacrifice Princess Andromeda or he will RELEASE THE KRAKEN and kill everyone. However, Hades didn't count on Perseus, demigod (the son of Zeus and a mortal woman) and marine sergeant impersonator. First, Perseus has a few tasks. He must defeat a dead king named Calibus, find the Medusa and kill her, kill the Kraken and, most important, defeat Zeus. Moreover, he wants to accomplish all this using just his mortal skills and without the divine gifts of an Olympian sword and Pegasus.

The movie has some pretty shots and cute animation, but other than the eye-candy, not much to recommend it. The plot in the first half of the movie is pathetically linear and predictable. Each challenge for Perseus is introduced in such a blatant manner, you know he's going to succeed, and he does, one sword fest right after another with little or no suspense. It isn't clear if he'll end up marrying the beautiful and gracious Andromeda, but that question isn't enough to generate tension.

The director shows such short, quick flashes of action that I couldn't tell what was happening in several scenes even after rewinding.  Maybe this is deliberate so you don't realize that nothing is happening.

The plot-holes are numerous and silly. The worst is how unbelievably clueless are the king and his court about the gods' abilities to make them miserable.

The characters are paper thin--entirely foolish, entirely brave, evil, noble or whatever, but without the mixture and variety of traits that makes for a full personality.

You can't even rely on the movie to learn about Greek mythology. Several details are correct, but too many are not. Io was cursed by being turned into a heifer and tormented by a gadfly, not, as the movie says, by being given eternal youth.  Perseus' mother did not die in the casket, and the Kraken is an old Norse legend, not Greek.

Even the name of the movie is wrong.  The Titians (like Cronus) were a race of gods who lived before, and were killed by, the Olympians (like Zeus). In the era portrayed by this movie, the Titans are all dead. The writers try to get around this by calling the Kraken and Medusa Titians, but that's lame.

I almost gave up, but the story did improve considerably in the second half. Unusual allies, the Djinn--think of wookies in drag--appear, and there is an interesting conversation about accepting one's identity (Perseus wants to deny the divine part of his nature).  It wasn't much, but it kept me going. Best of all, the Macbethean witches predict that Perseus will die in his attempt to kill the Kraken, and, even though you know they're wrong, if you can't believe them, who can you believe?

Cinematically, this is a POS (piece of shit.)  As a workout movie, the first half is worthless, but I give the second half ++++ - it will get your pulse up to a run.