Review of 'TEETH'

TEETH

DAWN is a speaker for a group advocating teen chastity. One of the boys in the group, TOBEY, appeals to her. They go swimming in a secluded spot, find a cave to dry off, and then start passionate kissing. Ah, but she's a chastity advocate and doesn't want to go any further. He, though also a chastity advocate, forces himself on her (which makes him a rapist), but OH MY GOD SHE HAS TEETH DOWN THERE. Chomp. One emasculated teenage boy who, mercifully, bleeds to death. When Dawn finds his penis in the swimming hole with a crab crawling on it, she freaks out. She looks up vagina dentate, suspects she has this mythological condition, and consults with a gynecologist. He tries to be gentle, but the examination is painful and, CHOMP, four fingers are on the floor of the doctor's office. After all this, you'd think the girl wouldn't let any masculine extensions near her genitals for a while, but she's soon confiding in a classmate, RYAN, and they end up having sex, this time without any difficulties since it's consensual. Next morning, they have sex again, but in the middle of the act, a friend calls, and Ryan boasts that he won the bet about scoring with the professional virgin (yeah, he's a professional shmuck). CHOMP!

You get the idea.

Like JENNIFER'S BODY, this is billed as a comedy-horror film. Though it has some tense moments, I didn't think it horrific, maybe because the basic premise is too fantastic for me to take seriously. The comedy description fits. This movie is hilarious. Scenes of body parts on the floor, blood spurting and girls screaming don't often make me laugh, but this one sure did. I like DEXTER so maybe that isn't surprising.

I'll leave it to others to explore the metaphorical themes of female empowerment or masculine fears of that empowerment. All I'll say is that it's worth ++++ -it should get your pulse up to a run. If you see it, let me know what you think.