Review of RAFIO FREE ALBEMUTH

RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH - 2010

NICK BRADY works in his father's record shop in the 1980s and is frustrated because dad insists CDs will never replace vinyl. He also has strange visions which upset his wife RACHAEL so much, she thinks about leaving him, though she drops that idea when she gets pregnant. Nick calls the source of the visions VALIS, Vast Alien Living Intelligence System, but he worries the visions may be a symptom of mental illness. One vision tells him that his infant son has a strangulated inguinal hernia, and when Nick rushes the baby to an emergency room, it turns out the vision was right, and Nick is reassured about his sanity. Then the visions tell him to move to LA; he obeys, gets a job with a recording company, and prospers.

It's a difficult time for America. The president, FERRIS F FREMONT (FFF--666), is running for a fifth term, and uses the threat of a terrorist organization, ARAMCHEK, to justify increasingly restrictive measures. One of his big-brother organizations, FRIENDS OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE (FAP - look it up in the Urban Dictionary) wants Nick to help them with their propaganda. He refuses. FAP goes to SF author and Nick's best friend, PHILIP K. DICK, (hey - he wrote the book, so why shouldn't he put himself in his own story?) and ask him to spy on Nick. Nick also refuses. FAP and Fremont do not like to be refused…

In the film, PKD describes his novels as sounding like they were written on LSD. I'd say like they were written by a schizophrenic. Either way, he is an excellent storyteller, and this movie is pretty faithful to his novel of the same name.

In some ways, PKD is prescient. Decades before the Patriot Act (but decades after Orwell's 1984) which Bush introduced and Obama continued, Dick describes similar measures implemented by President Fremont. Dystopian stories are common; this one is better than most, and the quasi-supernatural flavor added by Valis adds to it.

There is a fair amount of religious symbolism towards the end, and this slows the pace, but it doesn't take up a lot of time. Though it's gotten bad reviews, I consider it an engaging and interesting flic. And as a workout movie, it will get your pulse up to a run. I rate it as ++++.

Review of 2001-A SPACE ODYSSEY

2001 - A SPACE ODYSSEY- 1968

Act one. A dark screen and ominous music. We see a beautiful savannah with our human ancestors living their pitiful lives. Then more advanced ancestors. The theme from R. Strauss's THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA announces the MONOLITH, a featureless gray oblong. Excited hominids gather about it and soon afterwards discover how to use a bone as a weapon. They exult.

Act two. A match cut switches from the bone to a space shuttle serenely approaching an artificial satellite.  J. Strauss's BLUE DANUBE waltz plays in the background. HEYWOOD R. FLOYD is going to the quarantined TYCHO base on the moon. The rumor is that a dangerous infection made the quarantine necessary, but the real reason is another monolith, this one uncovered after being buried in lunar soil for three million years. The government wants this find kept secret lest it cause panic. Floyd goes to inspect the monolith just as the lunar dawn is breaking, and the artifact, seeing the sun for the first time since it was buried, sends a powerful radio signal direct to Jupiter.

Act three. Spaceship DISCOVERY, with FRANK POOLE, DAVID BOWMAN, and HAL, a 9000 computer, (plus some hibernating scientists) are on their way to Jupiter. All seems well, but then HAL asks Frank questions about unprecedented secrecy surrounding their mission, and immediately afterwards announces an impending failure in a communications unit. The astronauts retrieve the unit, but examination shows no problem. Could HAL have made a mistake? The 9000 computers have an absolutely error free records. Frank and David lock themselves into an EVA pod and discuss whether HAL's intellectual function should be shut down. However, the pod has a window, HAL has vision sensors all over, and he can read lips...

At this point, the theater version breaks for a long intermission. Some televised versions skip the intermission, which is a shame.

H+1 is I. A+1 is B. L=1 is M.  IBM. Deny it though they may, I think it's intentional.

This movie is a masterpiece, more, I think, because of Stanly Kubrick's directing than to Arthur C. Clark's writing. Though Kubrick and Clark collaborated on the screenplay, the original book is standard science fiction, while the movie is a mystical experience. The book explains the monolith's actions, Hal's breakdown, the ornate room at the end of the film and more. The movie only hints at these and leaves you wondering. HAL in the movie is much more ominous than in the book, and the uneasiness of the two men when talking to HAL is palpable.

If you've never seen this film, you're missing something. Even if you saw it decades ago, it's worth renting.

The action is unhurried. For example, while the Millennium Falcon enters the Death Star in a few seconds, it takes a few minutes for the Floyd's shuttle to enter the station. But the movie doesn't drag. That scene is a dance in space and it maintains your interest. As a workout movie, the final scenes are a bit monotonous, but the rest of the movie will easily get your pulse up to a run. Overall, I give it ++++.

There's a sequel, 2010, which is good, but not at the same level as the original.

Review of SNEAKERS

SNEAKERS

In 1969, MARTIN BRICE and COSMO (apparently no other name) are cyber-pranksters playing Robin Hood. Martin leaves their apartment to get pizza, and a few minutes later, the police, not happy with how the youths redistribute wealth, break in and arrest Cosmo. Martin goes on the lam.

Fast forward to the present (1992), where Martin, now MARTIN BISHOP (Robert Redford), heads a respectable but scarcely profitable team of security specialists. They who break into banks and then tell the managers where their defenses are weak.  Other team members include: DARREN "MOTHER" ROSKOW (Dan Aykroyd), who believes (among other things) the moon landing was staged; DONALD CREASE (Sidney Poitier), a CIA officer who left under mysterious circumstances, CARL ARBOGAST, a young, horny genius; and IRWIN "WHISTLER" EMERY, who is blind.

They are approached by two NSA agents, DICK GORDON and BUDDY WALLACE, who are impressed by their reputation. Dick and Buddy are willing to pay large amounts of money to steal a box capable of breaking any code from any government or business in the world. Martin and his friends are reluctant, but the two NSA agents sweeten the deal; they know Martin is a fugitive, and they can clean his record if he cooperates, or send him to jail if he doesn't.

They manage to steal the box without too much trouble, thanks to blind Whistler who, with Holmesian logic, deduces where it is. They give the box to Dick and Buddy, but OH NO—those two aren't real NSA agents. They are part of a conspiracy led by, of all people, Martin's old buddy, Cosmo (Ben Kingsley). The crew must run for their lives, and then steal the box back again or chaos will result.

This movie has some silly parts--for one, Cosmo ignores a prime rule for successful villains (kill the hero yourself instead of delegating it to a henchman and walking out of the room)--but these aren't bad enough to spoil the movie. The cast has top notch actors, and the interplay between the team members, especially paranoid 'Mother, and the others' is fun, Scenes of violence and action are nice interspersed with the humor. Except for some vague bashing of governmental intrusions, there's no social significance or intellectual message, but it's fun. Overall, I rate it at ++++. It can get your pulse up to a run.

Review of TOP DOG

TOP DOG

Sergeant LOU SWANSON is investigating a hate-crime bombing. His police dog, RENO, a Briard, leads him to a moored boat where Lou finds explosives. Unfortunately, neo-Nazis find him, and shoot both him and the dog. Miraculously, Reno survives.

Switch to detective JAKE WILDER (Chuck Norris), who is grumpily awakened by his chief, KEN CALLAHAN and ordered to find Lou's killers. "I'm on suspension," Jake says, but to no avail; the suspension is canceled. To his further disgust, Jake, a loner, must work with a partner, someone as brilliant and efficient as Jake, but also as insubordinate.  In walks an attractive police officer, Lieutenant SAVANNAH BOYETTE, but she isn't his new associate. Rather, he's to work with the dog, Reno.

It turns out the bombing and murders are due to a nation-wide neo-Nazi conspiracy led by people with unsubtle names like OTTO DIETRICH. Their plan is to combine various hate groups, and bomb a ecumenical brotherhood meeting. They trap a Catholic Bishop, a rabbi, and some Indian looking guy with a pink yarmulke in a limousine with a bomb hidden underneath. Aha, but they haven't reckoned with Jake and Reno.

Reno is the real star of this movie.  The dog follows complicated orders, knows to bite through Jake's bonds without being told, and in general puts Lassie to shame. Why in the world do Lou and Jake feed him jelly donuts; don't the people in this movie know that's not healthy for dogs? And since when do police dogs wander the streets without a leash?

Otto et al need to learn the rules of successful villainy. For example--don't tell an underling to kill the hero and then you walk out of the room. Kill the hero yourself.

Jake, of course, had to disarm the bomb under the limousine. Which wire should he cut, the red or the green? I voted for the red. He doesn't get the girl in the end, but he does get the dog.

Apparently Chuck Norris is a creationist. I don't expect much from karate-expert actors, but a little intellect would be nice.

The movie has a nice though generic anti-bigotry message, but also implies that it's okay for a cop to ignore due process (by not waiting for a search warrant) if he's sure he's in the right.

This is a funny movie. It's easy to rip it apart because of all the foolishness, especially involving the dog, but the combination of action/violence and comedy make for a good workout movie. I give it ++++. It will get your pulse up to a run.

Review of AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. - episodes 1-5

2013

PHIL COULSON runs a S.H.I.E.L.D. unit--(Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division)--in the MARVEL universe. Phil is a strange guy. He has a red 1962 Corvette that can fly, a good sense of humor, and he wears a suit and tie everywhere, even into active combat. Though the Marvel Universe has all sorts of supernatural creatures (like Thor), there's nothing supernatural about Phil, except maybe that he's died and been resurrected under strange circumstances that even he is not aware of.

Other agents in the group include MELINDA MAY, who pilots the 'bus,' a Boeing C-17 used by the agents to resolve crises all over the world. She's a kick-ass woman who can demolish five musclemen without breaking a sweat, At the limits of credulity, yes, but not impossible. Then there is FITZ-SIMMONS--actually two people. Fitz is an adorable male computer nerd, and Simmons is an adorable female computer nerd. Or is it the opposite? Doesn't matter because you never see one without the other, though the relationship apparently is not romantic. And GRANT WARD, is the stony faced mercenary whose main complaint is having to work with the others instead of saving the world by himself.

In the pilot episode (which starts just after IRON MAN 3), the agents investigate reports of a man, MIKE PETERSON, with superhuman powers. Peterson has been injected with EXTREMIS, a serum that makes him inhumanly strong, but also a little nuts and, if he isn't treated, will make his head explode. Literally, not figurative. SKYE, a hactivist with the group RISING TIDE goes to Peterson and offers to protect him from Shield. Rising Tide' mission is to expose all secrets to the public. The Agents of Shield are good guys, but they do have secrets that they don't want revealed. Can the agents catch Peterson before he and everyone around him blows up? And what should the agents do about Skye? With her computer talents, she could be a tremendous asset to the team if she's willing to join, but can she be trusted?

The characters don't take themselves too seriously. Coulson, for example, admits his red Corvette indicates a midlife crises. In general, there's a lot of humor and irony in the series, and the mixture with the action and violent scenes works well. The series has no deep messages or social commentary, but it's fun and it can get your pulse up to a run. I give it ++++.

Review of OUTLAND

OUTLAND

1981

The titanium mine on Io, one of Jupiter's moons, is a harsh and difficult place. Federal Marshal WILLIAM O'NEIL (Sean Connery) has just been assigned to that hellhole because he has a big mouth and speaks what his superiors want unsaid. The manager of the mine, MARK SHEPHARD, welcomes O'Neal with a speech in which he brags that his miners work hard and production is high, so they can also play hard.

There is a series of strange accidents. One man hallucinates spiders on his space suit, rips it open, and his insides explode in the vacuum.  Another man attacks one of the camp's prostitutes and threatens to kill her. Security forces kill him instead. O'Neil is suspicious. He consults with the camp's doctor. MARIAN LAZARUS, an acerbic wretch who never ever shows any emotion, sentimentality or caring. Usually. She agrees to help him, searches the medical records, and discovers that dozens of similar violent deaths have occurred in the past few years. Furthermore, all of the bodies were shipped off from Io without autopsies.

Unfortunately, CAROL O'NEIL, William's wife, has gotten the courage to send him a video message saying she was leaving Io to take their son, PAUL to Earth where he can live a normal life. She begs O'Neil to join her, but he has to finish his work in the mining colony.

O'Neil goes to one of the corpses still on Io, sticks a needle in its neck to extract blood, and finds a dangerous stimulant. After more digging, he finds a whole cache of the stimulant. This is what causes the high production of the mine and also the deaths. Shepard, the manager, must be responsible. O'Neil tells him he's uncovered the secret and intends to bring Shepard down. Shepard tells O'Neil he's a dead man, and arranges for assassins to come to Io to murder O'Neil. O'Neil asks the miners if anyone will help him, but they are afraid.

Oy vay.

This should be a wonderful workout film. It has an exotic setting, emotional complications, violent fights, sometimes to the death, mystery, betrayal, likeable characters, etc, etc. But, for me at least, there was no tension. Sean Connery does die in some of his films, but I never got the feeling he could in this one. Too many factors--like people about to kill themselves, Carols announcement that she's leaving, the betrayal and, of course, O'Neil's eventual victory--are all predictable. It will get your pulse up to a jog, so I'll give it +++, but I had hoped for better.

Review of THE TOMORROW PEOPLE

THE TOMORROW PEOPLE - episodes 1 to 4

Released 2013

  

STEVEN JAMESON is a high school student with a problem. He wakes up in the middle of the night in strange places, including a neighbor's bed. He's been diagnosed as a sleepwalker, but medications don't help. Then a voice in his head, CARA COBURN, tells him he has a mutation enabling him to teleport himself and also to hear other people's thoughts by telepathy. That explains a lot. Also, the mutation enables telekinesis. These three powers, the three Ts, make the mutation carriers, the TOMORROW PEOPLE, into a new species, Homo superior.

Ah, but life is not easy for these people. JEDEKIAH PRICE, Steven's uncle, sees the Tomorrow People (TPs) as a threat to normal humans, and so has coopted a group of mutants, the ALPHAS, to hunt them down and either recruit them to the alphas, take away their powers, or kill them. His actual goal is to kill all the TPs but he doesn't tell that to many people, and not to any alpha TPs. To evade the alphas and also to keep their existence secret from normal humans, the TPs hide out in an abandoned subway station under the leadership of JOHN YOUNG, a former alpha agent who rebelled. TIM, a pleasant and presumably non-murderous HAL type computer, helps them in various ways.

Steven's father plays an unclear but important role in all this. The father, a man with considerable mutant powers, had abandoned the family when Steven was small to protect his family, but probably for other reasons as well. Steven must find him, and Jedekiah likely has information. So Steven becomes a double agent, working for the alphas, but giving information back to the TPs...

Why any mutant would work for Jedekiah is never explained. After all, they have telepathic powers, so they should realize he wants to kill all of them.

As with many series, the first episode, which explains the theme, is the best, but the next few episodes throw in enough new complications to keep it interesting. Also, the characters raise the question of just what it means to be human, though the matter isn't discussed with a lot of sophistication. Still, there's a lot of excitement. I rate it at ++++. It will often get your pulse up to a run.

Review of HAVEN

HAVEN - episodes 1-4

2010, supernatural, paranormal, mystery, Steven King,

AUDREY PARKER is an respected, workaholic FBI agent. When a killer, JONAS LESTER escapes from prison and goes to his home town of HAVEN, Audrey's boss sends her there to apprehend him. But Jonas turns up dead, thrown off of a cliff by some powerful, mysterious force. Audrey forms a somewhat uneasy alliance, with NATHAN WOURNOS a local cop who suffers from an inability to feel pain (and is thus subject to multiple injuries, though Nathan himself seems healthy.) The two investigate Jonas' death. Various suspects are checked and exonerated. One in particular, DUKE CROCKER, is a quirky character for whom Nathan has an intense, unexplained dislike, but at one point he saves Audrey's life, so he can't be the bad guy.

Throughout the episode, strange happenings are noted. Audrey is almost killed by a sudden earthquake and is struck by lightning during an unexpected hailstorm. One of the suspects in Jonas' death disappears in a mysterious fog. Audrey, an orphan, finds an old newspaper with a picture of the COLORADO KID, a woman who looks suspiciously like Audrey and who might be her mother. Mention is made of an era in the town's history called THE TROUBLES, which the suggestion that these troubles might have returned.

Hey - something paranormal has to be going on.  Right?

In each of the first four chapters, Audrey and Nathan investigate and resolve a violent supernatural incident provoked by someone who didn't know (at least at first) that they were responsible, and Duke is usually involved in the investigation.  Small clues are dropped as to Audrey's unknown past, the nature of the 'troubles' plaguing the town, and the antagonism between Duke and Nathan, but these take up only a few minutes.

In short, the episodes are predictable.

Nathan's inability to feel pain is an interesting characteristic, but the writers haven't done anything with it, so I wonder why they throw it in. Likewise Audrey's workaholism.

 

The series was inspired by a story, The Colorado Kid, by Steven King. The first installment is the best because you don't know what's going on. Afterwards, it's too much repetition of the same basic theme to keep your interest. I rate it +++.  It will get your pulse up to a jog.

Review of THE CROW - SALVATION

THE CROW-SALVATION

released  2000, revenge, fantasy, supernatural, police corruption
 

 ALEX CORVIS (Eric Mabius), has been falsely convicted of brutally murdering his girlfriend, LAUREN RANDALL. He spends his last hour playing chess with a friend while a guard berates him for not having his lawyer harangue the governor. People outside the prison are calling for his death, Lauren's family hopes they'll get closure, and a CROW flies over the prison. The guards walk Alex to the execution room, and strap him in the electric chair. He proclaims his love for Lauren and his innocence, the guards attach a metal mask to his face, and the executioner throws the switch. But there is a lightning flash on the jail, and Alex convulses for a long time before his head slumps over.

Wheeling the corpse away, guards comment on how his face was messed up from the electrical burns. But when they leave him in a room, he moves a finger, then sits up. His face heals, though with facial scars like K.I.S.S. makeup. The crow leads him out of the prison and to the police evidence room where he discovers that specific corrupt cops were responsible both for his being framed and for Lauren's murder. Then it's just a matter of tracking down those cops one by one, letting them scream in horror at seeing him back from the dead, and then killing them violently. Each one up the line sees the one beneath get his due and knows what is coming. But the head bad-guy presents a special challenge...

This is the third movie in the series. The plots are almost identical--a man and someone he loves is unjustly killed, he is resurrected, and, with the aid of a crow, gets revenge on his enemies. This one is probably the best because you feel the most sympathy for the guy before he dies, and so exult with satisfaction when he wastes the malefactors.  

Alex's last name, Corvis, means 'crows' in Latin. That's the most subtle part of the film. Plotholes abound and the characters are all two dimensional. The movie is almost entirely made up of one scene of outraged vengeance after another. There is no instructive message or spiritual insight. But it's a great movie for working out. I give it +++++. It will get your pulse up to a sprint. The other Crow movies are also worthwhile for working out, but after a while the repetition gets tiresome.

IRON MAN THREE

2014, superhero, fantasy, adventure,

At a New Year's Eve party in 1999, the future Iron Man TONY STARK (Robert Downey Jr), meets an entrepreneur, ALDRICH KILLIAN, who asks for Tony’s support. Tony agrees to meet him on the roof under the fireworks, but instead spends the night with MAYA HANSEN, the inventor of EXTREMIS, a treatment to regenerate lost limbs. However, Extremis has some, ah, strange side effects.

Fast forward several years, and a terrorist called MANDARIN who looks suspiciously like Osama Bin Ladin is setting off bombs in American cities. Officialdom has no clue as to who Mandarin is, how he is setting off the bombs, or even what kind of bombs he uses. Tony tells COLONEL JAMES RHODES he can help the government find Mandarin, but Rhodes rebuffs him.

Tony then issues a public challenge to the Mandarin. Maya Hansen visits Tony's Malibu mansion under the disapproving eyes of Tony's current girlfriend, PEPPER POTTS (hey-I didn’t name her). Maya tells Tony she thinks her boss, Aldrich Killian, is supporting the Mandarin. At that point helicopter gunships attack and destroy Tony’s house. Tony, Pepper, and Hansen manage to escape, but JARVIS, Tony's artificial intelligence robot, sends Tony via his latest Iron Man suit across the country to Tennessee, where the robot thinks the Mandarin is located. Tony's suit, damaged in a crash landing, no longer works and his only help is a ten-year-old boy, HARLEY.

Then matters get complicated.

Did I mention, Tony is also suffering panic attacks from when he fought off aliens in New York?

Plenty of good action sequences and unexpected plot twists, but one of the best aspects of the flick is Tony’s continued one liners. Whether people are about to beat the shit out of him or he’s arguing with Pepper, he always has a snide rejoinder which is so inappropriate as to be funny. Yes, the science is bogus, and yes, there is no character development except at the end where he suddenly conquers his anxieties, but so what. The dialogue is snappy and the pace is good. The only part I really didn’t like was the callous way he treats the boy, Harley.

All in all, this is a fun movie, definitely better than the first of the series.  I give it ++++.  It should get your pulse up to a run. Downey is vacillating on to still another sequel, but if he agrees, I’ll watch that also.

Review of STARDUST

STARDUST

2007 Fantasy, comedy, adventure

The town of WALL is in most respects an ordinary English village of the 1800s, but it has one distinction--a stone wall that separates it from the magical kingdom of STORMHOLD. This barrier has a gap that is guarded night and day. DUNSTAN THORN, an adventurous youth, insists there is nothing more than a field on the other side, tricks the guard, and sneaks through the gap into Stormhold. There he indeed finds many wonderful and magical sights. The most enchanting is a beautiful woman named UNA, who is actually a princess kept enslaved by a mean witch, DITCHWATER SAL. Una sells Dunstan a glass snowdrop in return for a kiss. Then she takes him inside the witch's wagon to collect further payment. Dunstan returns home and nine months later finds on his doorstep a basket with a baby boy, TRISTAN.

Fast forward eighteen years. The nameless king of Stormhold is on his death bed, and his living sons gather around him. This is a bit awkward, since the king himself had killed all his own brothers to secure the throne for himself. His sons murdered some of their siblings, but have been so inefficient, four have survived. How is the king to choose between them?  He takes the royal ruby from around his neck, and throws it up into the sky. The child who retrieves it will be king. The surviving brothers (now three) set out on the quest.

Unfortunately, the ruby hits a star who is then knocked down to Earth where she is seen to be a beautiful woman named YVAINE.

Tristan, a lowly shop boy in Wall, is hopelessly in love with a beautiful twit, VICTORIA. As the two watch the star fall, she promises to marry him if he gets the celestial object for her. So, like his father, Tristan tricks the guard at the wall and enters Stormhold to search for Yvenne to show to Victoria.

In addition, three old and ugly witches see the star fall. They also want her, though their intent is not benign. They want to cut out her heart and eat it so as to have youth and beauty.

Who will get the girl-ruby (the connection between them isn't clear)? The wicked witches? The murderous princes? Or sweet, naive Tristan? The race is on, and a glorious romp it is, with magical inns, unicorns, and a flying ship captained by a transvestite pirate named SHAKESPEARE (he shakes a spear).

It's easy to guess who will win the race, but how will they do it? The screenwriter uses all sorts of funny twists to keep you guessing. As an exercise movie, this will get your pulse to a jog, so I give it +++. In terms of plain enjoyment, it will make you laugh and is a lot of fun.

Review of HOUSE OF CARDS

HOUSE OF CARDS

Political intrigue, ruthlessness.  Released 2009.

FRANK UNDERWOOD (Kevin Spacy) is the majority whip in the House of Representatives. We first meet him when he is looking at an injured dog. He turns to the viewer, laments “useless suffering,” and strangles the dog with his bare hands. Then he lies to the dog’s owner about how the pet died. Thus we see what kind of person he is.

This scene is repeated later, though under much more dramatic circumstances.

Frank had secured the presidential election of GARRETT WALKER in return for the office of Secretary of State, but Walker betrayed Frank and nominated someone else. Is Frank angry?  Does a bear—well, you know. Frank is determined to get revenge and the power of a high office  no matter what the cost...to others.

Frank is a friendly Southerner whose relaxed smile and drawl somehow reminds me of Jack Benny. He has accomplices and coconspirators in his intrigues.  First is his wife of many years, CLAIRE. They have an open marriage with no secrecy about affairs and had decided long ago not to have children, a decision Claire is now revisiting. In addition to helping Frank, Claire is a power broker in her own right and heads a charity that may actually do some good by bringing clean water to Africa. Another important ally is DOUG STAMPER, Frank’s chief of staff and a loyal employee.  He carries out a variety of legitimate, illegitimate and borderline activities for his boss.

Together, these three manipulate Washington, not only to push Frank's legislation, but also to arrange cabinet appointments, gubernatorial candidates and even resignations of high officials. They also ruin countless lives by getting people fired or having their workplaces closed, and in one case, cause someone's death.

Unfortunately, the series is available only on Netflix.

Frank and Clair Underwood are realistic and intriguing. The ruthlessness and single-minded pursuit of their goals is fascinating, and when they have different goals, it gets even better. Yet they manage to be sympathetic. They are never cruel to specific individuals, and at times will even help people in distress, especially if they can get some advantage from helping others. Having finished the first season, I'm looking forward to the second. I give this series

Review of Boondock Saints

BOONDOCK SAINTS

 CONNER and MURPHY MACMANUS, religious Irish American brothers in Boston, listen to their priest preach against the indifference shown to Kitty Genovese's murder, and take the sermon to heart. Later, while they're celebrating St. Paddy's day in an Irish pub, Russian mobsters barge in, announce that their bosses have bought the pub and that everyone must leave at once. A fight breaks out, with the gangsters getting the worst of it. The next day, the thugs try to get revenge, but brothers Connor and Murphy end up killing them, albeit in self-defense.

Since mobsters are involved, an FBI agent, PAUL SMECKER, is assigned to the case. He puts on earbuds and wanders around the crime scene while waving his hands in time to operatic music. Then, like Sherlock Holmes (or Adrian Monk), he assembles clues no one else notices and recreates the case.

The brothers turn themselves in and confess the killings, but Smecker tells them they acted in self-defense and have not committed any crime. Everyone in their community regards them as heroes, and they conclude they have a mission from God to rid Boston of evil men. And there are plenty of evil men for them to remove. A wave of murders sweeps Boston, but since all the victims are criminals, the public doesn't know whether to grieve or cheer. Smecker identifies the brothers as the perpetuators of the killings, but he also can't decide whether to arrest them or not...

The movie asks a basic question: when is violence justified? Like Dexter, the MacManus brothers (along with their Italian friend, ROCCO) kill mass murderers, and in the process become mass murderers themselves. The question is easier to ask than answer.

One aspect of the movie was unnecessary. Smecker waving his hands in time to the music in a vaguely effeminate way shows him as a brilliant and eccentric cop, an interesting picture. But when he appears in bed with a guy, we see the hand-waving is just another gay stereotype.

This movie will get your heart beating and make the minutes fly while you're working out.  I give it +++++.  It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of CASABLANCA

CASABLANCA

Drama, romance, WWII, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Nazis, French resistance. 1942

"Here's looking at you, Kid."

The movie Casablanca is widely considered one of the finest movies ever made, but...a workout movie?

Yes. Absolutely.

For those unfortunates (mainly in recent generations) who have never seen it, here's a synopsis: World War II is raging. RICK BLAINE (Humphrey Bogart) runs a saloon and illegal casino in Casablanca, a city in unoccupied French territory. ("Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.") People come from Nazi occupied Europe to Casablanca hoping for visas to get them to America. Unfortunately, on the black market, visas can be gotten only for large sums of money, or, as one unhappy young lady discovers, other asses--I mean assets.

                                                                                            

VICTOR LAZLO, a leader of the resistance, is one of those looking for visas for himself and his wife. Rick happens to have two visas, but Victor's wife, ILSA (Ingrid Bergman), had once been Rick's lover and had abandoned Rick suddenly and without explanation. He's still angry and refuses to help Victor and Ilsa leave Casablanca. When Victor goes to a meeting of the underground that night, Ilsa sneaks over to Rick's hotel room and pleads for the visas, but Rick remains adamant.  Then Ilsa pulls out a gun and demands the visas. "Go ahead and shoot. You'll be doing me a favor," Rick says. From there, the plot has some interesting twists...

"...you're in love with a woman. It is perhaps a strange circumstance that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came to this café, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I - I demand no explanation." (Laslo to Rick) Rick is the protagonist, and is well played by Bogart in what is probably his best role, but the real hero of the story is Victor Lazlo. Brave, dedicated, charismatic, and understanding to the fault of being unrealistic, the man is a saint. The movie might be a little better if he showed some imperfection, but it's a minor point. Ingrid Bergman as Ilsa is just wonderful. I'm in love with her.  Talk about bedroom eyes, she has bridal suite eyes. My marriage could be in trouble, but fortunately, she's dead.

There is some mindless, institutional racism, but not vicious. The lack of any mention of the Holocaust or the psychotic anti-Semitism of the Nazis is more problematic, at least for me. Granted, the full horror wasn't known when the film was made (1942), but there was some information.'

This is a wonderful movie and a wonderful workout movie. If you've never seen it, you're in for a treat.  And even if you have seen it, it will frequently get your pulse up to a sprint. I give it +++++.

Review of HANSEL AND GRETEL - WITCH HUNTERS

HANSEL AND GRETEL - WITCH HUNTERS

Fantasy, 2014

Once again, we're in a little cottage in the middle of the forest, and the mother tells the father to take the children out into the woods and leave them there. Once again, the siblings find the house made of candy and, famished, start eating. No 'Nibble, nibble like a mouse, who is nibbling at my house', but we do have GRETEL giving the witch a chicken bone to convince her that she and HANSEL are too thin to be eaten, and we do have the witch being burned alive in the oven.

Then new material appears, sort of a Hansel and Gretel sequel. While opening credits flash on the screen, newspaper headlines appear and describe the wondrous exploits of a pair of orphan witch-killers-for-hire. In AUSBERG (a real town in Germany), SHERIFF BERRINGER is inciting a mob to burn at the stake a pretty young woman, MINA accused of witchcraft. H&G arrive, Gretel checks Mina's teeth as if she was a horse, and says because her teeth and skin are unblemished, Mina cannot be a witch. (God help any woman in that town who has psoriasis and dental caries.) Mina is grateful to them (so much so that later she goes skinny dipping with Hansel).

The mayor of Ausberg, ENGLEMANN, hires H&G to rescue children who were kidnapped by witches. Sheriff Berringer is really pissed and vows revenge for being deprived of his prey, Mina, and also for being deprived of the fee for rescuing the children and killing the witches.  The witches are also pretty pissed, especially a 'grand witch', MURIEL. And--guess what--grand witches can also disguise their faces so their skin and teeth look healthy.

Uh, Mina, is there something you need to tell us?

There's a lot of silliness in this movie.  The witches usually have incredible strength and speed, but when the plot demands it H&G can beat the crap out of them. Hansel, the jerk, bounds into a witch's house without looking, and, no surprise, gets knocked on the head. Also, there are uncomfortable aspects of the film. The witch burning is too reminiscent of Salem, white witches (yes, there are those) are good but black is bad, and Hansel and Gretel share a bedroom, granted with bunk beds but with her wearing only a pajama top.

In spite of all that, the movie is fun. It has no meaningful interpretation of the H&G myth or insightful portrayals of the characters, but it does have a lot of action and enough plot twists to draw you in. It got my pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Review of 300

300

Historical fiction, drama, action. 2006.

In ancient SPARTA, a form of institutionalized child abuse, the agoge, was the preferred method to develop fierce warriors. LEONIDAS, after surviving unrealistically demonic wolves and other hardships, returns to Sparta and later becomes king. The Persians, under the leadership of the self-styled divine monarch XERXES, demand Sparta's submission, but Leonidas determines to fight Xerxes' massive army no matter what the cost to him or Sparta.  Even the gloomy predictions of the oracle, a beautiful teenager repeatedly raped by ugly lechers, and the refusal of the city council to supply him with an army doesn't deter him. He gathers three hundred of his most loyal warriors. With support of a few hundred untrained soldiers from other cities, he marches to Thermopylae where a narrow passageway should render Xerxes massive force ineffective and enable Leonidas' defenders to hold off the Persians indefinitely. Yes, the geography is good for the Spartans, but is it enough to hold off the huge army of Xerxes? Especially when there is a traitor out there?

The Spartans have naked chests and abdomens, and wear only a cape, helmet, boots, and black leather panties with lots of junk. They look like they're in a gay porn film.

Considering that the movie idea originated as a 'graphic novel' (a nice euphemism for comic book), it gets more historical details correct than I expected.  The agoge in Sparta was real, but it was more like a modern military academy than the near death sentence described in the film. There was an influential oracle at Delphi, but she was usually a middle age woman who was a respected member of society. EPHIALTES did betray Leonidas, but he was probably not a hunchback. And on and on.  Granted, the film is not intended to be educational, but why not get as much right as possible? A brutal military school, for example, can create as much tension as demonic wolves.

The movie is full of swordplay, blood and drama (or melodrama). If you like these things, the movie should get your pulse at least up to a run. I'll give it ++++.

Review of PATRIOT GAMES

PATRIOT GAMES

Action, counterterrorism, Harrison Ford.  Released 1992

The film starts with JACK RYAN (Harrison Ford) drinking champagne with his wife in a pleasant, family-friendly scene in their hotel bedroom.  Wink, wink. Ryan, a retired CIA agent and professor at the Naval Academy, is on vacation in London with his family. This vacation is rudely interrupted when a car bomb explodes. An ultra-violent IRA splinter group is trying to assassinate LORD WILLIAM HOLMS, a British official and apparently a member of the royal family. Ryan leaps into the fray and ends up killing PATRICK MILLER, one of the terrorists. Patrick's brother, SEAN MILLER, sees Ryan kill Patrick and, being a good psychotic, determines to kill Ryan and his wife and daughter for good measure. Yes, Sean is arrested and sent to prison. Yes, Ryan goes back to the USA, thousands of miles away. But those details can't stop Sean, or there wouldn't be any movie.

Like HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, Patriot Games is based on a Tom Clancy book. In  my limited experience, movies made from his books are much better than the books themselves.

The movie has some cute lines. A terrorist is in bed with a woman he just picked up. She says, "Wait a minute. I have to get something." He says, "But darlin', you're not goin' to make me wear one of those rubbers. That's a sin." (SPOILER ALERT--he doesn't have to wear the rubber. In fact, he never wears a rubber again.)

It takes eight minutes from the opening until you first see a gun, so lovers of violence whose attention span is less than that shouldn't watch the movie. But once the violence starts, it goes full steam. Sean and his colleague, KEVIN O'DONNELL, kill so many people (including other terrorists) and for so little reason, it gets tiring. Yes, psychopaths are a staple of action movies, but enough is enough. Harrison Ford is entertaining, but half of his performance is a minimally sedated Han Solo, and the other half is a constipated academic. James Earl Jones is (as always) wonderful, but he has only a minor role.

A scene near the end shows the terrorists trying to kill Ryan in his own house. This should be exciting, but you know they will fail. The final scene, Ryan chasing a terrorist in a boat, is just plain stupid.

In spite of these criticisms, most of the movie is exciting. Harrison Ford is always fun to watch, there are some interesting twists, and the plot moves well. Most of the film got my pulse up to a run.  I give it ++++.

Let me know what you think of this blog. You can write me at fiddlerzvi@comcast.net.

Revirew of WHERE EAGLES DARE

WHERE EAGLES DARE: 

World War Two covert operations adventure with lots of dead Nazis.

In this movie, Richard Burton and not-yet-senile Clint Eastwood infiltrate a mountaintop Nazi fortress, get valuable information about traitorous spies, and return to England.

 Oh, and they kill Nazis. They're quite good at it (at one point Clint dispatches a radio operator with such nonchalance, he seems like a psychopath.) The Nazis shoot at the two heroes, throw bombs, kick them and punch them--all with little or no effect. Between the two of them, Clint and Richard jump into freezing water, go through a car crash, jump from one cable car hundreds of feet in the air to another, and with all that happens, literally the most severe injury they suffer is that Richard scrapes his hand while closing a door. On the other hand, their bullets bring down Nazis with amazing accuracy. Yeah, the unrealism is funny, but they're killing Nazis, so it's exciting.

The plot is complex with lots of sudden shifts. It took a couple of viewings to understand all that goes on, but it's worth figuring out. Plausible - no. But lots of fun.

 There are a couple of plot flaws (e.g climbing under a bridge to place dynamite instead of putting in inconspicuously on the side), but those are minor.

 The music is stirring and memorable, though not too sophisticated.

This film still revs me up even after seeing it six times. The phrase 'oldie but goodie certainly fits. It's a great adrenalin stimulator. Without a doubt, it deserves +++++. It will raise your pulse as much as a sprint.

All comments welcome.  And if you notice anything different about this review, let me know at fiddlerzvi@comcast.net.

Review of PARKER

PARKER

When we first meet PARKER (Jason Statham), he's at a state fair and is wearing a clerical collar. It's obvious from the start that he's no priest, but he's still a nice man and even throws darts at balloons to win a prize for a little girl. Two unfunny clowns appear, clearly up to no good, and, in fact, Parker and the clowns are soon robbing the fair's gate money. A clerk becomes hysterical, but Parker is such a nice man, he takes the time to sooth him and get him over his panic. Final result is $200,000 for each of five thieves.

Unfortunately, a fire intended as a distraction to the robbery was set in the wrong place leading to the death of a fairgoer.  This is unprofessional.  Parker doesn't like unprofessional behavior. Also, because he's a nice man, he doesn't like the death of innocent civilians. So when the other four thieves suggest he join them for another heist, one that will net millions of dollars, he refuses to join them. For some reason, Parker's refusal infuriates the others who then take his money, shoot him, and leave him for dead.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if you want to kill someone, don't just shoot them and leave them for dead. You should go up to the body and put a bullet right between the ideas at point blank range. But then there wouldn't be any movie.

Parker does not die.  He's found by a hick farmer's family and rescued.  And it turns out there is a limit to his niceness. When people take his ill-gotten-gains and try to kill him, Parker is not nice at all.

This is a fun movie in many respects. Parker is super-competent and his betrayers appropriately terrified when they learn he's alive and is tracking them. There are cute sexual overtones; Parker enlists a real estate agent, LESLIE (Jennifer Lopez), to show him the city, but when they're alone he tells her to take off her clothes. Turns out he just wants to check if she has a wire to spy on him.  She's disappointed, and so was I.

The film has no deep character portrayals, no insightful meanings, not even extraordinary eye candy.  But it does have lots of action, self-righteous indignation, and vengeance. As a workout movie, it's great. I give it +++++.  It will get your pulse up to a sprint.

Review of STAR TREK - WRATH OF KAHN

STAR TREK - WRATH OF KAHN

The year is 2285. Lieutenant SAAVIK, a Vulcan woman, is trying to rescue traders under attack by Klingons. She fails and everyone is killed, but that's all right; it's just a simulation, one that all Starfleet officer trainees must take. Only one officer has ever passed--James T Kirk. Kirk is now an admiral, and hates it. He wants to go back to flying the Enterprise.

Meanwhile, Starship RELIANT is out searching for a totally lifeless planet on which to test GENESIS, a device to transform lifeless rocks into habitable planets by a process officially known as plausible bullshit. They find a suitable planet, Ceti Alpha VI--actually Ceti Alpha V, but never mind. Chekov and CAPTAIN CLARK beam down, only to be captured by genetically altered supersoldier KAHN (his last name is Singh, but think of his first name as Genghis.) Kahn and his comrades put a monster's larva into Chekov's brain (through his ear).  Kahn now controls Chekov's mind, and uses Chekov to take over the Reliant. 

After Saavik's test, Kirk and Spock, now captain of the Enterprise, take the trainees on a routine test drive. Soon after leaving dock, they get a distress call. Even though they haven't yet engaged the warp drive and must be near Earth and the fleet, no other ship is available to answer the call. So Kirk, Spock, and a group of green trainees must save the day.  With the help of mind-slave Chekov, Kahn ambushes and cripples the Enterprise, but fear not - SPOILER ALERT - Kirk has a few tricks of his own.

Spoiler alerts are meaningless in a movie this old and this popular.  For example - SPOILER ALERT - Spock dies in the end. However - SPOILER ALERT - he's resurrected in the next episode.

I watched this movie after seeing the prequel, INTO DARKNESS, and it was an absolute delight to see the real Kirk, Spock (especially Spock) and the others after those wannabees in the prequel. Kirk expounds, Spock reasons, Scotty sputters, and Kahn (Ricardo Montalban) is magnificent in his unbridled rage and desire for vengeance.

Having seen this film about thirty years ago, I remembered only a few scenes. Most of it was like watching for the first time.  Yes there are plot holes, but who cares? I consider this one of the best, with lots of action, drama (or melodrama) and characters who are as familiar as old friends.  As a workout movie, I give it +++++ - it will get your pulse up to a sprint.

The next sequel, SEARCH FOR SPOCK, shows Spock's resurrection, and also the destruction of the Enterprise. It has more slow scenes and too much melodrama. Why would super-logical creatures like Vulcans have so much ritual?  It's still worth seeing.  As a workout movie, I give it ++++ - it will get your pulse up to a run.

In number VI of the series, the UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY, the Klingons say they want peace but Kirk doesn't trust them. This movie has some initially wonderful lines. "There is an old Vulcan saying; only Nixon could have gone to China," but after a while, attributing Earth quotations to alien cultures gets old. Also, the plot holes are unusually frequent and blatant. Still, it's a fun flick and a good workout movie - I give it ++++ - it will often get your pulse up to a run.